Rob Carnegie Scores One for Canada

Today Florence-Lauderdale Tourism Director (and CEO!) Rob Carnegie scored a direct hit on North Florence when he encouraged residents to try Sunshine Barbecue. Next week he’ll finish off the economy in the northern part of the city by directing hapless grocery shoppers to the Homefront Market. Then it’s on to East Florence where he’ll promote Bucks Grocery.

A few choice words about the wonderful facilities of the Expresso Health Group in West Florence, and the local economy will be a goner. While Robbie Baby is working his magic in Alabama, other Canandian agents are similarly undermining the economy in other states, paving the way for Justin Turdeau to wade triumphantly across Niagara and proclaim himself emperor of the U.S. while simultaneously praising Fidel Castro.

After setting up his cabinet with the McKenzie Brothers, William Shatner, and Michael J. Fox, Trudeau will then throw Robbie the bone of the governorship of Alabama where he can proceed to nauseate more citizens than the Luv Guv himself and the Florence Tourism Board combined.

*****

We predict Carnegie will shortly hold a news conference at which he’ll either:

a) Disavow all knowledge of the pathetic Tweet, or 

b) Proclaim the word “Southern” is spelled “Sunshine” in Canada.

*****

*****

DeVaughn Sues Sheffield Police

It seems that Sebastian DeVaughn is suing the Sheffield Police Department, Greg Ray, Sam Garrison, and the department’s “governing body” for a violation of her civil rights. Citizens of Sheffield have civil rights?