Sunday, September 6, 2015

Labor Day Beauty Contest 2015

Yes, it's that time of year again. Local union halls are dusting off their more lovely card-holding members and getting them ready for this annual event. This year may prove to be special since the rules have been modified to require entrants to assemble their own costumes from work-related items. Let's take a look at this year's field:

1. Pittipat Pettigrew—Representing the Sanitation Workers of North Alabama, Pittipat will wear a creation composed entirely of used cocktail napkins rescued from the dumpster behind On the Rocks.
Officials are fervently praying it won't rain.

2. Leola Sandusky—Leola will represent the Recycling Union while wearing a chainmail costume manufactured from aluminum can tabs. As of Sunday, Leola wasn't a definite entry since she had come up short of tabs and was forced to consume several cases of beer in order to complete her costume.

3. Cassie Carnegie—Representing the Tourism Union, Cassie's outfit will be composed entirely of road maps discarded due to their Confederate battle flag artwork. Cassie is a dark horse since she's
not able to prove U.S. citizenship. The Tourism Union is threatening to move its offices to Canada if officials disqualify Carnegie.

4. Amelia Cornbloom—Representing the Cemetery Workers' Union, Amelia states she has manufactured her contest attire from ribbons discarded with floral debris. Showing spunk, Amelia will also carry a sharp shovel to aid in disposing of the much dreaded political rhetoric usually present at these events.

5. Cilla Frumpmeyer—Representing the Animal Shelter Workers of Northwest Alabama, Cilla has knitted her own bathing suit from shed fur. After completing her creation, Cilla found that she had enough left to crochet dunce hats for Florence City Council members.

We eagerly await this end-of-summer bash...also known as the start of the political season. Let us pray.


No comments:

Post a Comment