You’ve all read of universities of higher learning offering coloring books and modeling clay to students who feel disappointed in and displaced by the new president-elect. So in that vein, we’re starting emotional support groups for those who are offended by the major disappointments in life. Here’s our tentative list:
* Those who can’t park at Fred’s downtown after 5:00 p.m. due to Flo-Bama patrons will meet on Sunday in the Subway parking lot.
* Those who miss Mickey Haddock, Dave Smith, and Hermon Graham will meet on Monday in a broom closet at Florence city hall where Prince will offer bite therapy.
* Those who feel disenfranchised by both the Democratic and Republican parties will meet on Tuesday in Braly Stadium. Come early to insure a seat.
* Those whose hopes have been repeatedly dashed by Steak ‘n’ Shake will meet on Wednesday at the Krystal.
* Those who have delusions of the Sweetwater Entertainment District ever becoming a reality will meet on Thursday to pick up trash on Minnehaha Street.
* Those who hate Walmart and other chain grocery stores will meet on Friday to exchange recipes using only ingredients that can be found in local Mom & Pop corner markets.
* Those who feel disappointment in elected officials not returning calls or letters will meet on Saturday to visit the homes of these public servants. Bring your own toilet paper.
What are the odds that so many so-called celebrities want to leave our country…and not one of them is a Kardashian?