Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Bubba's Views on Balls & Chains (Both Kinds)

You've Obviously Never Been in Prison

A Guest Commentary By

Bubba LeRoy Smuckpucker II

Since everbody has had their say about the problems with the new immigration law, I thought I needed to come on Miss Shoalanda's here and straighten some people out. Mainly one person who wrote about prisoners picking crops. Here's what they said:

I am 80 years old. I love to eat vegetables and fruits. So, I wish they would let the prisoners wear a ball and chain for four hours a day and pick the fruits and vegetables, or we won’t be able to afford the price.

Now I don't mean no disrespect to no 80 year-old lady or gentleman, but you can tell they've never been in prison. Not that I have been either you understand, but my cousin Jimbo Bob has been there a few times so I do know what I'm talking about.

Our great state of Alabama is fixing to let some prisoners pick peaches, and cotton, and all that other good stuff, but it ain't nothing new. These prisoners don't need to wear no ball and chain cause they're what you call "minimum custody." You even got two kinds of them. You got the kind that wear that prison white and work outside the prison for fifty or sixty cent an hour, but I doubt Gov. Bentley would be willing to give them up since they work at state jobs and save us a whole heap of money.

Then you got your real work release that wear those nice jeans and flannel shirts and all and they make real money, maybe even $7.00 an hour. They'd be the ones the state would send to pick all these crops the illegal immigrants runn oft and left. You don't need to be afeart of them, but you might have one escape now and then. Some of them ain't too smart.

I hope that clears it up for all the readers, but afore I sign off, I want to invite you to my daughter Rebbie Sue's wedding. Yep, she and her fiance' Wayland Elvis will be putting on the marital ball and chain this Thanksgiving. We thought that was a good day for it since we could combine the full course meal with the reception, cause goodness knows the wedding dress cost enough.

I've never been a man to brag about whut I got as far as cars and fancy furniture that don't need no coasters since it's laminated on top, but this is one time I've gotta tell the news. Yep, little Rebbie Sue will be wearing a Mossy Oak dress trimmed in Hunter's Orange. Lucky for her they come in a size 30 cause she's a real hardy gal. I'm required to say that for this honest and sincere endorsement, CamoFormal will be giving us a substantial discount on Rebbie Sue's dress, so ya'll have a good look at it and remember the company when your gals get ready to tie on the old ball and chain.

Bubba LeRoy Smuckpucker II
Dog Ear, Alabama
Foghorn Junior High Class of 1982


Thanks to Bubba for another one of a kind commentary.