Monday, September 3, 2012

Another Labor Day, Another Beauty Contest

Our previous Labor Day Beauty Contest (Labor Day 2011) proved so popular that again this year we’re presenting a pageant filled with a bevy of local workers at their finest. Here’s the ideal 2012 lineup that you may not see today at Spring Park:

Electra Fide – A longshot at 57, this IBEW member will have to convince judges her hair really isn’t crimped ala 1980s style, but the result of years of repairing bad wiring.

Ray Bann – This forty-something represents the Small Government Workers’ local. Her talent is talking out of both sides of her mouth. Ray’s also a longshot due to her having no support outside her four square-block home district.

Prunella Pastel – At 65, this representative of the Painters’ Union will have to convince judges those age spots are actually flecks of paint she’s been too busy to wash off.

Liveratta Gomez-Potelliata – Representing “undocumented” workers, this 4’ 8” Guatemala native refused to reveal her age on the grounds the question was racist. She may be a no-show if ICE agents catch up to her first.

Troy Oliver – The only candidate the Ex-Mayors’ Union could dredge up is sure to have the Russellville judges' support since they’re so glad he’s finally gone.

Margo Beige – The representative of the Northwest Alabama Bloggers’ Union, Margo is the favorite to win this year, replacing Shoalanda Speaks who at 97.5 years-old couldn’t navigate the steps up to the stage.

Hench Broad – A last minute entry, she’s representing a spin-off union yet to be named. She has the support of RSOL and anti-SOAR groups, but may face a backlash from any judges with an IQ over 12.


On this Labor Day 2012, we salute all area workers and their families. We also salute those workers of a previous era who toiled tirelessly in order for their children and grandchildren to enjoy college degrees and positions in local society and government. You’re not forgotten.


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