Tuesday, June 12, 2018

Sexual Harassment Charges Filed Against Local Firefighter

Sometimes certain behavior leaves us at a loss for words, but we usually recover quickly. This is a developing story, so we're sure there will be much more to report in the next few days. For now, we'll simply say that a Muscle Shoals firefighter has been accused of some extremely blatant sexual harassment. Witnesses? We understand there were over 20 of them. That's right - the firefighter in question was speaking to a group of nursing students when he made his sick comments.

Obviously he wanted a response, so we'll give him one. Look, Chipmunk Cheeks, we've seen your photos. Remember, we're only responding since you asked. We, at the advanced age of 112 years and 9 months, don't see anything even remotely sexy about you. We'll be happy to accept comments on your looks when we publish your name and photo tomorrow.

In the interim, we're calling you "Chipmunk Cheeks." After we get to know you better, we'll be happy to advance to the more intimate "Jerk Face." Remember, you're the one who asked.


We understand that sexual harassment charges have been filed unofficially with the Muscle Shoals Fire Department and a local college. Official charges are expected to follow. 

Before you ask, we'll answer. Yes, we do feel sorry for this man's family, but that doesn't mean his egregious behavior should be covered up. Years ago, we knew a teacher at Coffee High School who called herself a dragon. We never anticipated being old enough to be a dragon, much less enjoying it. Life is full of surprises, isn't it?

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