Monday, September 5, 2016

Labor Day 2016

It Was A Glorious Day!

Even the shade trees at Tuscumbia’s Spring Park can’t cool the heated atmosphere surrounding the Miss Labor Day 2016 contest as five union representatives vie for the coveted title. Here’s this year’s roundup:

1. Jami McDonald is representing the Shoals area’s fast food workers; however, her appearance today may be in jeopardy. Set to perform a tap dance routine to You Deserve a Break Today while simultaneously flipping four burgers and balancing a beer on her heard, the 53 year-old contestant suddenly left the venue when told alcohol wasn’t allowed in the park.

2. Myrtle Clogmore will be representing the plumbers’ local. Word in the park is the Tuscumbia vice squad will be keeping a close watch on the 38 year-old Myrtle’s talent routine involving a pole and three plungers.

3. Local paralegals will be represented by Kanye Twitty of ambiguous gender and Facebook fame. Odds makers favor the ageless Kanye who has only to walk across the stage to produce both smiles and guffaws.

4. Not to be outdone by the paralegals, Shoals attorneys have also posted an entrant this year. Recent law school graduate Apara Briefs will be representing the juris doctor crowd, but is considered a dark horse due to the 27 year-old filing a law suit this morning against her four competitors for having the nerve to challenge her.

5. Rounding out the slate is Olympic swim champion Ryan Lochte, 32, representing local park and recreation workers. Lochte is rumored to be hiding in the Shoals until Brazil stops looking for him, but couldn’t resist one final public appearance while sporting his platinum blond tresses.

That’s it for this year. Remember, no matter who may win the Labor Day beauty contest, the real winners are the public who are served by the working man and woman 365 days a year.

No comments:

Post a Comment