Friday, December 13, 2013

The Florence Christmas Parade Miracle

I told Miz Shoalanda that I had to tell ever body about this, it being the Christmas season and all. Last night was supposed to have been the annual Dog Ear holiday parade, but the school had to hock all the band instruments in order to have enough mac and cheese to last in the lunchroom until January, so the whole family decided to pack up and catch the annual Zip City parade.

Well as luck would have it, the mayor of Zip City had done gone and cancelled that parade as well cuz all the rain had washed out most of their one paved road. Let me tell you cousin Elmo and his wife Sally was both upset over that since Judy Lee won the Zip City Collard Princess pageant this year and they was all dyin' to see her on the parade's onliest float.

But all warn't lost. Ever since Judy Lee dyed her hair green last summer she's been hearin' how she should join the Kudzu Queens. It seems they all was going to be in Florence's parade, so off we set for the big city. Elmo's youngest boy Barney was especially excited and he don't get that way often since he shot his eye out with that Daisy air rifle he got two years ago.

Once we got in Florence there was more people than at Congressman Freeble's funeral last year in Dog Ear. Give the people what they want, I guess. Anyhoo, just as we all saw that sea of green hair, Judy Lee pushed little Barney and herself to the front of a whole bunch of bird watchers. At least I guess that's what they were cuz ever time a group of girls passed by they would start talking about those cute little birds with the topknots. 

Judy Lee started waving real big like and told Barney to do the same. One of the Kudzu ladies saw them and started throwing candy. Now if there's anything little Barney likes, it's free candy, so he stuck his little head out powerful close to the lady throwin' all the Tootsie Rolls.

The next thing I knew there was a scream like at one of those horror movies the Dew Drop Drive-In used to show on Friday nights. Yep, one of those pieces of candy hit Barney right in the eye. His bad eye.

It swelled up somethin' terrible and by the time we got back to Elmo's house it looked like a blue baseball. Elmo and Sally kept tellin' little Barney not to cry cuz it could have been his good eye that got hit, but that didn't seem to help none at the time. Sally got some frozen possum out of the freezer and put it on Barney's eye and told him to go on to bed and stop complainin'. By then it was pretty late, so we decided to spend the night at Elmo's and get an early start back to Dog Ear the next morning.

Now here's the really strange part. When little Barney got up this morning he could see out of both eyes. Yep, that Tootsie Roll undid the damage the BB had done. Now if that ain't a Christmas miracle I don't know what is. So now Elmo and Sally want to thank the Kudzu Queens for makin' them the happiest folks in Zip City.

Merry Christmas to all who read this,

Bubba Leroy Smuckpucker II

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