Sunday, February 6, 2011

Bubba Interprets the News/Margaret Phillips Dies

We understand that outsiders are often at a disadvantage to interpret news from Alabama, but it's not as common for natives to be at such a loss. Still, Alabama being Alabama, there is a time when an extra dose of commentary is needed, and we felt this was the proper occasion. We've asked our old friend Bubba LeRoy Smuckpucker II to give us his take on recent events in eastern Lauderdale County.

Thanks, Shoalanda, I'll do my best, but this story is a little confusin' even for me and I'm related to all of 'em. I think I'll just do this by the numbers as they say in Montgomery, which everbody knows is the cradle of the Confederacy, but that'll be a blog for another day.

1. My cousins Gregory Alton Smith and Kenneth Patrick Givens are cousins to each other.
2. They both got sons that I'll call lil Greg and lil Ken so I don't reveal their real names, since I can't remember 'em anyways.
3. Lil Ken goes over to see Greg and lil Greg Wednesday night (after church I would think), and Greg gives lil Ken a beer. Ol' boy ain't got good sense since the mule kicked him.
4. Lil Ken then goes home and tells his pa. He shouldn't oughta done that.
5. Kenneth then gets all mad and drives his truck over to Greg's used double wide that he got after his ol' lady runn oft and took him for everthing he was worth which wasn't much.
6. Don't rightly know what Kenneth was thinkin', but he rammed his truck in the side of the trailer, right between the kitchen and guestroom, which was sorta a good thing since Greg and lil Greg was sleepin' in the other bedroom.
7. Ken hurt his shoulder and didn't do his truck no good cause it caught on fire, but luckily his brother was in the area and come up just in time to pull him out 'fore it caught fire good.
8. Then Greg comes out of the trailer and sees the fire, but he can't get no water cause the truck done busted the water line so he goes back in the house and gets milk and sodas to pour on the fire but it was just too little late. Yep, truck and trailer was a complete loss.
9. Then all of a sudden Greg can't breathe, so he thinks he havin' a heart attack and goes to the hospital with Ken. Don't rightly know if it was in the same ambulance or not.
10. Both Ken and Greg are goin' to be all right, 'cept for them both bein' arrested and DHR comin' out to investigate and all. I'll make notes at the trial so I can keep ya'll better informed next time.

Bubba LeRoy Smuckpucker II
Dog Ear, Alabama

Foghorn Junior High Class of 1982


The Shoals has lost a great treasure. Local author Margaret L. Phillips passed away this week. Among her many works were: Rebekah, Letters to Barbara Bush, Doctor of the Cotton Patch, Songs of the Good Earth, and Governors of Tennessee. Her works were often praised by Eugenia Price and Jan Karon. Our sincerest sympathies to her family.


We think you'll enjoy Sugie Bee, a new blog on the Shoals scene. Sugie Bee contains not just interesting tales from the author's past, but fantastic recipes as well.