Friday, February 26, 2010

Of Pastafarians and Colbert County District Judges

With slightly over three months until the primary election, the gloves are beginning to come off for some candidates and their supporters. Actually, one Colbert County District Judge candidate apparently never donned any gloves to doff at the appropriate minute.

Our question today is "Can a Pastafarian be a good Colbert County District Judge?" If you don't know what a Pastafarian is, that's why we have Google. Can he or she be a competent judge? Absolutely. That does not mean that we would vote for such a person, but we have the sensibilities to know that even Pastafarians have the mental capabilities to execute the office of District Judge in Alabama.

We have not officially endorsed any candidate in the Colbert County race (or the race for District Judge in Lauderdale where the campaign remains as quiet as a courthouse cordless mouse); however, we have been seriously surprised by some recent comments concerning Democratic hopeful Chad Coker. Coker is, don't faint, not originally from Colbert County.'s not seems that Coker may have blue blood. With the exception of the stray Vulcan strolling Montgomery Avenue, we were under the impression that all Colbert Countians had blood of various hues of red--even the Auburn fans.

Those who choose to debate the Colbert County District Judge's race on such trivial and misguided excuses for issues do nothing but reinforce outsiders' opinions of us in haystack-filled Alabama. Yes, a native of Lamar County is just as qualified to serve as Colbert County District Judge as anyone born at Helen Keller Hospital.

Second, those who condemn Judge Carpenter for privately endorsing a certain candidate should remember that if he can be banned from such speech, then Shoalanda can be forced to remain quiet on the subject. If Shoalanda can be muzzled on political endorsements, then so can you, gentle reader. It's a slippery slope.

You may choose to vote for Chad Coker, Lamar County native, or not to vote for him, but please do so on other issues than the location of his nativity. That being said, District Judges cannot sentence anyone to death, stop abortion, or enforce nuclear weapon bans. Bone up on the office and the candidates. A little knowledge is a dangerous thing; let's all live dangerously.

Remembrances: If you have any anecdotes concerning Bill Allgood, sometimes known as Harvey or Cliffy, please send them to us. We will be dedicating a column to this cyberspace icon in the near future.