Labor Day in Spring Park

 

Tuscumbia Labor Day Celebration: A Celebration of Labor and Community

The Tuscumbia Labor Day Celebration is an annual event that takes place in Spring Park in Tuscumbia, Alabama. The event is organized by the Shoals Labor Council and is a celebration of labor and community.

It includes a parade, live music, food vendors, political speeches, and a beauty contest. The parade is the highlight of the event and features floats, marching bands, and other participants. The music lineup typically features local and regional musicians. The food vendors offer a variety of food options, including barbecue, fried chicken, and funnel cakes. The political speeches are a chance for candidates to address the community and discuss their views on labor issues. The beauty contest is a chance for young women to compete for the title of Miss Labor Day.

The Tuscumbia Labor Day Celebration is a family-friendly event and is a great way to celebrate the contributions of labor to our community. The event is free to attend and is open to the public.

The Tuscumbia Labor Day Celebration is the oldest Labor Day festival in Alabama. It was first held in 1922 and has been held every year since then. The event is a tradition in the Shoals area and is a way for the community to come together and celebrate the importance of labor.

The celebration is held on Labor Day, which is the first Monday in September. This year, the Tuscumbia Labor Day Celebration will be held on Monday, September 5, 2023. The event will take place from 10am to 4pm at Spring Park in Tuscumbia, Alabama.

If you are in the area on Labor Day, be sure to check out the Tuscumbia Labor Day Celebration. It is a great way to celebrate the contributions of labor to our community and to enjoy a day of fun and festivities.

Here are some additional details about the event:

• The parade will start at 11am and will travel down Main Street in Tuscumbia.
• The live music will start at noon and will feature a variety of local and regional musicians.
• The food vendors will be open from 10am to 4pm.
• The political speeches will be held at 1pm and 2pm.
• The beauty contest will be held at 3pm.

Press Release

Another Labor Day, Another Beauty Contest

Our previous Labor Day Beauty Contest (Labor Day 2011) proved so popular that again this year we’re presenting a pageant filled with a bevy of local workers at their finest. Here’s the ideal 2012 lineup that you may not see today at Spring Park:

Electra Fide – A longshot at 57, this IBEW member will have to convince judges her hair really isn’t crimped ala 1980s style, but the result of years of repairing bad wiring.

Ray Bann – This forty-something represents the Small Government Workers’ local. Her talent is talking out of both sides of her mouth. Ray’s also a longshot due to her having no support outside her four square-block home district.

Prunella Pastel – At 65, this representative of the Painters’ Union will have to convince judges those age spots are actually flecks of paint she’s been too busy to wash off.

Liveratta Gomez-Potelliata – Representing “undocumented” workers, this 4’ 8” Guatemala native refused to reveal her age on the grounds the question was racist. She may be a no-show if ICE agents catch up to her first.

Troy Oliver – The only candidate the Ex-Mayors’ Union could dredge up is sure to have the Russellville judges' support since they’re so glad he’s finally gone.

Margo Beige – The representative of the Northwest Alabama Bloggers’ Union, Margo is the favorite to win this year, replacing Shoalanda Speaks who at 97.5 years-old couldn’t navigate the steps up to the stage.

Hench Broad – A last minute entry, she’s representing a spin-off union yet to be named. She has the support of RSOL and anti-SOAR groups, but may face a backlash from any judges with an IQ over 12.

 

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On this Labor Day 2012, we salute all area workers and their families. We also salute those workers of a previous era who toiled tirelessly in order for their children and grandchildren to enjoy college degrees and positions in local society and government. You’re not forgotten.

Shoalanda

(Virtual) Labor Day Beauty Contest 2020

 

If you thought a little plague would keep our annual Labor Day Beauty Contest on hold this year, you're quite mistaken. This year it's virtual, and votes will be tabulated, oh, at some point whenever anyone feels like it. Here are 2020's real Shoals worker contestants:

First is Cassie Eugene pictured above. Cassie is representing Shoals Weight Watchers. Her talent is donning two pairs of Spanks at once. Ah, nothing says femininity like a combo of Weight Watchers and Spanks.

Second is Lydia Prine representing the Tuscumbia Tattoo Trade Union. Lydia's talent is using her muscles to make two Siamese cat tattoos dance the Minuet on her midriff. You don't see talent like that every day, folks!

Third up is Stella Inkman courtesy of the TimesDaily. Stella's costume is made entirely of unsold copies of the TD. Her talent portion will be begging the audience to subscribe to the publication. We're not sure there's enough talent in the world to succeed at that, but we do give Ms. Inkman points for trying. 

Fourth to compete will be Sally Atwill representing the Florence Panhandling Federation. Sally will attempt to collect at least twenty bucks from online funding before the FPD arrests her.

Fifth on the virtual stage is Chance Backspring representing Shoals Chiropractors. Chance will sing I Did It My Way as he runs from Lauderdale County Sheriff's deputies. It may not end well.

There you have the 2020 lineup. Let's hope we actually survive until the 2021 contest!

Labor Day 2016

It Was A Glorious Day!

Even the shade trees at Tuscumbia’s Spring Park can’t cool the heated atmosphere surrounding the Miss Labor Day 2016 contest as five union representatives vie for the coveted title. Here’s this year’s roundup:

1. Jami McDonald is representing the Shoals area’s fast food workers; however, her appearance today may be in jeopardy. Set to perform a tap dance routine to You Deserve a Break Today while simultaneously flipping four burgers and balancing a beer on her heard, the 53 year-old contestant suddenly left the venue when told alcohol wasn’t allowed in the park.

2. Myrtle Clogmore will be representing the plumbers’ local. Word in the park is the Tuscumbia vice squad will be keeping a close watch on the 38 year-old Myrtle’s talent routine involving a pole and three plungers.

3. Local paralegals will be represented by Kanye Twitty of ambiguous gender and Facebook fame. Odds makers favor the ageless Kanye who has only to walk across the stage to produce both smiles and guffaws.

4. Not to be outdone by the paralegals, Shoals attorneys have also posted an entrant this year. Recent law school graduate Apara Briefs will be representing the juris doctor crowd, but is considered a dark horse due to the 27 year-old filing a law suit this morning against her four competitors for having the nerve to challenge her.

5. Rounding out the slate is Olympic swim champion Ryan Lochte, 32, representing local park and recreation workers. Lochte is rumored to be hiding in the Shoals until Brazil stops looking for him, but couldn’t resist one final public appearance while sporting his platinum blond tresses.

That’s it for this year. Remember, no matter who may win the Labor Day beauty contest, the real winners are the public who are served by the working man and woman 365 days a year.

What's Wrong With Labor Day In Tuscumbia?

The following is a guest commentary by Miss Dwanda Fribish, the even lovelier sister of the the lovely Miss Wanda Fribish:

When I read in the Times Daily that the Labor Day festivities in Spring Park still include a beauty contest, I was speechless. Just not speechless enough not to sit down and write Shoalanda about it. This is 2011. Why are we still allowing this silly cattle show for women between the ages of 18 and 25 who probably don't have IQs any higher than that?

If we're going to have a beauty contest, it should be all inclusive. Here's what I think would be the perfect lineup.

Contestant 1 - Bernie Zohanawoski, a pipefitter from Zip City. Bernie is 35 and has chest hair long enough to plait into attractive, or not so attractive, patterns.

Contestant 2 - Vilma Krouse, a 41 year-old welder from Upper Leighton who is eight months pregnant with her 9th child. She would obviously get a lot of sympathy votes.

Contestant 3 - Leigh Silesi, gender unknown, but at only 20 is an up and comer in the world of basket weaving with rebar. This Frog Pond resident looks good in stilettos.

Contestant 4 - Imah Bit Dowdy, widow of a long-time machinist's local prexy who at 83, is a long shot. Imah holds the hotdog eating record at the Lexington Senior Center.

Contestant 5 - Jane Fonda, not technically a Shoals area resident, but is currently on tour to promote her new biography and would be sure to get a lot of votes from Vietnam vets.

Now there's a truly inclusive lineup. Maybe next year...

*****

We wish each and every one of you a happy Labor Day!



Shoalanda

Hermon Graham Demands Recount

Current Florence City Councilman Hermon Graham is not a gracious loser. In case you missed the WAFF story (our local rag the TotallyDecatur has so far neglected to publish this extremely interesting tale), Graham has requested a recount of the August 23rd ballots. Bradley won the race with 63% of the vote; however, Graham was so certain of his victory that he has stated there must have been problems with the voting machines.

If by any stretch of the imagination, Graham is right about the vote, the city will pay for the recount. If Graham is wrong, as any intelligent person could predict, he will pay the cost of a recount. An official date for the recount at Florence city hall on College Street has not been announced, but insiders say it may be as soon as Tuesday morning.

Graham has basically said that if Andy Betterton and Blake Edwards won, he should have also. We’re not sure of the logic behind Graham’s belief; in fact, we’re not sure why Betterton won. Edwards won because he had no viable opponent.

One incumbent had no opposition, and one incumbent chose not to run. The sixth race, District One, will be decided in a runoff between incumbent Dave Smith and political newcomer and rising star Kaytrina P. Simmons.

The only thing the Florence city council race was lacking was a candidate named Chad…

*****

Don’t miss H.D.’s review of Five Guys Burgers. If you have a review of a favorite eatery, be sure to send it to us.

Five Guys

*****

Tomorrow is Labor Day. As is our custom, we’ll publish a rundown of the candidates in the annual trade unions' beauty contest. If you’ve missed some in the past, here’s a chance to catch up before tomorrow:

Miss Labor Day Beauty Contest

Labor Day 2023

 

Yes, it's time for our readers' favorite blog of the year - the Labor Day Beauty contest. In our annual contest, the entrants are real workers and laborers in the Shoals area who bring their unique talents to the Spring Park stage.

This year, we have some amazing entrants. Just who will win?

Contestant #1 - Mike Loggerhead will be representing the Shoals plumbers' union. Mike weighs in at a hefty 650#...or 200# if weighed on a Georgia scale. His talent portion features wielding a 60" spanner which he uses to bring down crumbling malls. He's considered a long shot due to his foot in mouth disease.

Contestant #2 - Balacky B. Blunderbuss is representing the softball players league. He too is a long shot due to the possibility he may be arrested on numerous assault charges before he makes it to the stage to juggle three bobcats.

Contestant #3 - Randy Worserton is the Democrat's entrant. His talent is making videos in which he takes personal credit for building Wilson Dam, First Methodist Church, and a lopsided East Florence junk yard doghouse. Rumors are swirling that Randy has purchased several judges' votes with a promise to make Florence the siesta capital of the U.S.

Contestant #4 is Kathy Ogle, a UNA professor who has been on extended leave while preparing for this year's contest. Many are looking forward to her talent presentation where she will hurl insults at the owner of a well-liked Italian eatery while attempting to bash a protest sign over the heads of her fellow contestants. The main question is can she pull it off?

Contestants #5 & #6 bring the first duo act to the stage. Representing Lauderdale County teachers are Bro Knapsack and P.M. County. The couple will attempt to shred a school system handbook while simultaneously singing "You Better Do It Our Way." They have a strong chance of winning if no one reports them to the state board of education before the judges rule.

Emetrol will be sold at the gate...

Miss Labor Day 2018

Yes, another Labor Day has rolled around and with it the annual Spring Park Labor Day beauty contest. Let's see what this year's bevy of beauties has to offer.

First, representing the Pipe Fitters Union is none other than Muscle Shoals' own Miss Piper Leigh Pipe. Piper is riding high on her older brother's phenomenal popularity at the moment and is sure to be a crowd favorite. On the downside are Piper's measurements of 3" 3" 3".

Next up is Pumkin Pie Spicer representing the Shoals Artisan Union. It's a plus for her that this is the best season to show off her talent of adding Pumpkin Pie Spice to everything from soap to cheese straws, but on the downside is that a mere whiff of her makes some people hurl.

The third contestant this year is Kevin Davis representing the Muscle Shoals Teachers Union. Kevin will be a hard act to follow after he demonstrates his talent of pulling small animals whole from his beard. On the downside is the fact that the animals have been dead for various lengths of time. 

Fourth is C. B. Doil representing the Rogersville Police Brotherhood. C. B. at 86 is a little long in the tooth for competition, but his remarkable talent of being able to breathe for ten minutes in a room full of hash smoke is sure to be a crowd pleaser.

The fifth and last contestant is Stacy Student from Brooks High School. Stacy is representing the Killen Youth Movement and hasn't been shy about planning to win the Miss Congeniality prize this year. In fact, she's been heard on tape to threaten to deck any b***h who gets in her way. 

That's the lineup for this year. If the suspense is just too much for some readers, feel free to take a break, but be sure to come back tomorrow when we'll be doing an up close and personal take on Stacy.

Labor Day 2021

 

Yes, it's time for our readers' favorite segment - the annual Labor Day Beauty Contest. Spring Park was filled with stunned onlookers as the contestants took their turn on the runway and offered up a smattering of their talents. It just doesn't get any better than this. Here's a short rundown of the lovely participants for 2021:

Sunshine Raines - Miss Raines represented the Parks & Recreation Union. Employed at Spring Park itself, Sunshine was a crowd favorite. At 5' tall and 4' wide, there's a lot of Sunshine to go around. Her specialty is herding the park ducks, and the Colbert County native took advantage of her unique ability by incorporating the waterfowl into her act. Raines led the goosesteppers as they performed a perfectly in sync march to It's a Long Way to Tipperary. 

Ponticia (Ponie) Taylor - Miss Taylor is a member of the Street Photographers' Union and gives hope to old timers that the art will be carried on to future generations. Ponie's talent segment took street photography to a new lower level as she presented snaps of actual pavement. Never have the potholes of Sheffield been so beautifully showcased. One onlooker stated that he actually saw John Elkington moved to tears.

Suzan Sturfriar - Miss Sturfriar represented the College Sex-Workers Guild. Unfortunately, she was disqualified before the actual judging when she and one of the male judges couldn't be located for pre-contest check-in.

Jeannie Baird - Jeannie was the surprising entry of the Animal Workers' Association. Taking the stage in a swirling kilted skirt to the tune of haunting bagpipes while performing a Highland Fling, it took audience members several seconds to realize that the breathtaking Miss Baird was actually a border collie. According to her entrance application, Jeannie identifies as human and was allowed to enter the annual competition. 

Seamus O'Reilly - O'Reilly was this year's only male contestant. Representing the League of Public Employees, the Nova Scotia native read excerpts from Das Kapital as buttons burst from his shirt. At the end of his performance, he begged the judges to declare him the winner, stating he planned to leave his wife and desperately needed the prize money for a bus ticket home.

There you have it for this year. You really shoulda been there.

 

The Winner!      

It's That Time! Labor Day Beauty Contest 2017

Yes, later today there will be a new Miss Shoals Labor crowned. Let's look at this year's field of candidates...

1. Susie McFloosie - Susie represents the newest Shoals union, Quad-Cities Brewers Network. Insiders say platinum blonde Susie is a favorite if she can just manage to make it up the platform steps without tripping.

2. Cecile Trudeau - Cecile is representing local tourism. Detractors are calling the French speaking Trudeau a ringer and are demanding to see not only her union card, but social security card and passport as well.

3.  Betsy Harbert-Dunn - Busty Betsy is representing local construction unions. She's a long-shot since she was originally only visiting the area to pick up a finders-fee on the Veterans Park tennis courts, but was then stuck here when the deal fell through.

4. Mimsy Kitts-Shields - Petite Mimsy is representing post-secondary office workers. She's another long-shot, but known for a wicked left hook. Her claim to fame is never having been sexually assaulted on the job. 

5. Billy Overwood - Billy competed last year, but this blog inadvertently left him off the list. Instead of the traditional one-piece bathing costume, Billy will wear an Armani suit as he represents the Shoals Legal Union. 

There's the rundown, and if you're like us you can hardly wait to see who captures the sash and crown this year...or to grab your second helping of barbecue and beans. Here's hoping each of you, especially local union members, enjoys a fun and fulfilling Labor Day!


All of us at Shoalanda Speaks

Labor Day 2024

 

It's time for our readers' favorite, the annual Labor Day Beauty Contest direct from Tuscumbia's Spring Park, where contestants actually bear some resemblance to the Shoals workforce.

Contestant No. One was Pukey Lukey Preen representing the Florence Fraternal Order of Police. Lukey had been slated to simultaneously play kazoo and cigar-box guitar, but sadly Ofc. Preen was disqualified when he failed to make it to the event on time. A search party eventually found Preen in Sheffield's Riverfront Park waiting for the crowd to show up.

Contestant No. Two was Belaki Beck representing the MSEA. Even though Belaki isn't officially a Trojan any longer, he demanded one last opportunity to embarrass the school system with his talent for spewing curses at city employees. The former coach was rumored to have had a competitive edge since so many were willing to declare him the winner just to be rid of him.

Contestant No. Three was Gina Clark representing the Muscle Shoals City Council who sang "I've Got Friends in Low Places." Clark had been rumored to be in the running for last place, and boos from the audience confirmed her status.

Contestant No. Four was Big.Dumb.Broad.Ski who represented the Florence Tree Commission. Like Ofc. Preen, she was disqualified when it became clear that seven veils weren't enough to cover the subject in her announced belly dance. Fans can rejoice that she plans to try again next year after Ozempic. 

Contestant No. Five was Joe Aquatic of the Shoals Pool Cleaning Union. Joe previously announced his buck dancing has a great chance of winning after the closure of several public pools gave him extra time to practice.

Contestant No. Six was Bonnie Baird, younger sister of Jeannie, representing the Animal Workers Association. Jeannie was the overwhelming winner in 2021, and Bonnie is rumored to be determined to outdo her older sibling. Young Border Collie Bonnie, like Jeannie, identifies as human and does a mean hip-hop Highland Fling. 

After approximately 10 seconds for a judges' conference, the decision was unanimous...

The Winner: Bonnie Blue Baird

Happy Labor Day 2022

 

It's time for our readers' favorite - the Labor Day Beauty Contest!

Contestant No. One is representing the Dog Catchers' Union. Coreander Speegmutt is a dark horse whose talent is hiding food from 25 or more dogs at once. We can hear the boos now.

Contestant No. Two is a real crowd pleaser. Sissy Limsky (nee Jordan) is representing Florence Park workers. Her mesmerizing talent is a spot-on imitation of a seal catching fish while balancing a ball on her nose. Sissy tells us she's on a career high, having just been posted to monitor the McFarland Pier, for which her bonus is all the fish she can eat.

Our No. Three is not yet definite, but is scheduled to represent Mexican food workers. When last we checked, Lupe was still held up at the Rio Grande after her seventh buying trip of the year.

No. Four is Flo Inkswell representing the Public Relations Lobby. Flo, sometimes spelled F!, admits she's a long shot after her bad press earlier this year, but hopes her performance as a waltzing tap dancer will win the crowd over.

Last at No. Five is Bran W. Flakey representing the UNA Adjunct Alliance. Many thought Bran's soliloquy from the movie Ironweed couldn't be beat...until he was accused of copyright infringement and dragged from the stage by members of the Southern Library League.

The winner is expected to be announced when law enforcement finally clears the area.

Labor Day Beauty Contest 2015

Yes, it's that time of year again. Local union halls are dusting off their more lovely card-holding members and getting them ready for this annual event. This year may prove to be special since the rules have been modified to require entrants to assemble their own costumes from work-related items. Let's take a look at this year's field:

1. Pittipat Pettigrew—Representing the Sanitation Workers of North Alabama, Pittipat will wear a creation composed entirely of used cocktail napkins rescued from the dumpster behind On the Rocks.
Officials are fervently praying it won't rain.

2. Leola Sandusky—Leola will represent the Recycling Union while wearing a chainmail costume manufactured from aluminum can tabs. As of Sunday, Leola wasn't a definite entry since she had come up short of tabs and was forced to consume several cases of beer in order to complete her costume.

3. Cassie Carnegie—Representing the Tourism Union, Cassie's outfit will be composed entirely of road maps discarded due to their Confederate battle flag artwork. Cassie is a dark horse since she's
not able to prove U.S. citizenship. The Tourism Union is threatening to move its offices to Canada if officials disqualify Carnegie.

4. Amelia Cornbloom—Representing the Cemetery Workers' Union, Amelia states she has manufactured her contest attire from ribbons discarded with floral debris. Showing spunk, Amelia will also carry a sharp shovel to aid in disposing of the much dreaded political rhetoric usually present at these events.

5. Cilla Frumpmeyer—Representing the Animal Shelter Workers of Northwest Alabama, Cilla has knitted her own bathing suit from shed fur. After completing her creation, Cilla found that she had enough left to crochet dunce hats for Florence City Council members.

We eagerly await this end-of-summer bash...also known as the start of the political season. Let us pray.



Shoalanda

We're Suing for Copyright Infringement

 

We promise this isn't a joke...

As regular readers know, our most popular blogs are the Labor Day Beauty Contest reports. In our blogosphere, entrants are actual labor union members whether male or female, no matter their age, weight, or mental health. Last year we had a fan favorite when a Border Collie identifying as a human female entered...and won.

This week the world has been subjected to breaking news from New Hampshire where a new Miss Derry has been crowned:

The winner is Brian Nguyen who identifies as female. Judges preferred to send Brian to the Miss New Hampshire pageant, choosing to overlook the young women in the photo who paled in size if not pulchritude. 

Welcome to 2022. We're eager to see how far Brian gets in the state pageant next Spring. 

Even though we feel we may have grounds for a copyright lawsuit, we still wish to thank those in New Hampshire who voted for Brian. These judges made many Alabamians (think Legislature) look sane.

Miss Labor Day 2013

Yes, it's that time of year again...time for the annual Labor Day beauty pageant. This year's festivities started on a sad note when it was announced that the Sheffield Sanitation Department's entry would not be able to compete. Dirty Sally Tally has been in a coma since the theft of the dumpster at the methadone clinic. Very odd, and we wish her the best.

This morning's entries included the following:

Helga (Helen) Keller Jorgenson - 47, member of the Hospital Workers' Union and an employee at HKH. Helen brought a shot in the arm to the contest by adding talent to her catwalk appearance. Juggling three AK-47s, Helen stated she was ready for any RegionalCare employees who would even think of a hostile takeover of the Colbert County hospital.

Carmen Miranda Electra - 39, member of the Electricians' Union and currently on strike against the City of Florence. When questioned about how the strike was going, Carmen announced her union cell was responsible for the four-hour loss of power in downtown Florence this morning. She felt things were heating up, so to speak, but if the electric workers don't get a new contract soon, she couldn't promise that anything in the city would be heated up this winter.

Allison (Alley) Katz - 57, animal control officer representing the Florence Municipal Workers' Union. Alley's talent portion demonstrated her ability to wrangle a pit bull and Maine Coon simultaneously.

Morticia Porter - 35, member of the Garment Workers' Union of Lexington. Morticia's talent was being able to read. Considered a long shot, Morticia may get a sympathy vote since she's legally blind and the only woman in her small town not to have been married to the police chief.

Ahh, thank God it's only once a year...



Shoalanda

Some Lauderdale School Beauties

 

Before our annual Labor Day beauty contest, we present this throwback. No, it wasn't at Central, but at Lauderdale County High School in Rogersville. The sex appeal is mind boggling...