Sunday, March 7, 2010

Our New State Song by Bubba Smuckpucker

Our New State Song

A Guest Commentary by

Bubba LeRoy Smuckpucker II

I heard on TV that Alabama is fixing to pick a new state song. At first I heard it was going to be "Stars fell on Alabama" that I'd never heard of, but now I hear it's going to be "Sweet Home Alabama" that everybody's heard of. Great choice, man.

Well, actually I'd rather have "Ala-freakin-bama" but you can't expect our state lawmakers to have that much class. Just last year they voted to up the highschool dropout age to 17, and I need my boy at home to help with the septic tank business, so what can you expect from anybody that's been to college.

But back to the song, I hear Johnny Mack Morrow--he's my cousin Earl Nol's wife's brother-in-law's foot doctor's neighbor (twice removed)--wants to change the words around to cut out some things that are supposed to be offensive. All I got to say is that they should add some more of them. Us in Alabama don't give a rat's ass what anybody across any state lines think of us. Hell, I think we should have left the union when Wallace was gubnor. At least they mention him in the song, along with Watergate, Neil Young, and Jimmy Carter in some versions.

That's what I mean, we can add some more verses and stick it to ol' Obama while we're at it. This would be the best thing that's happened to Alabama since George stood in the schoolhouse door.

Go for it, Johnny Mack. We're all behind you here in Dog Ear, Alabama. We might not read no newspapers. Heck, maybe most of us can't even spell Alabama, but we vote, usually for the same people over and over. That's why we have the most greatest state in the Union.

Thanks for letting me have my say,

Bubba LeRoy Smuckpucker II

Dog Ear, Alabama

Foghorn Junior High Class of 1982

Our series on the murder of Matthew Williams will continue tomorrow.