Saturday, November 20, 2010

"Let's Do the Ethical Bop" Starring Rhea Fulmer

Let's Do the Ethical Bop

A Play in One Act

By Eugene O'Neal Bridge

Clerk: May I help you, Madam?

Woman: Yes, I'm Rhea Fulmer.

Clerk: And...

Woman: I'm Rhea Tays Fulmer.

Clerk: And...

Woman: I'm Rhea Tays Michael Fulmer.

Clerk: And...

Woman: You don't know who I am?

Clerk: Madam, this is Montgomery. We prefer not to meet any of our citizens, much less acknowledge them.

Woman: Well, I'm a Lauderdale County Commissioner and very important. I'm here to file an ethics complaint.

Clerk: Very well, if you must. What's the nature of the complaint?

Woman: It's against our EMA director George Grabryan. He's loaned out 50 of the county's traffic cones.

Clerk: And...

Woman: Well, that's it. You just can't loan out public property to anybody, you know.

Clerk: Correct. To whom did Mr. Grabryan lend these traffic cones?

Woman: Sam Blackman.

Clerk: And for what nefarious purpose did Mr. Blackman use these traffic cones?

Woman: For training emergency personnel.

Clerk: And this Mr. Blackman...he's some kind of scam artist?

Woman: Well, I wouldn't know about that, but he is on the Lauderdale 911 Board.

Clerk: How did Mr. Blackman arrive at this position?

Woman: The Lauderdale County Commission appointed him.

Clerk: The same commission of which you're a member?

Woman: Uh, yes, but that's beside the point. Just keep filling our your paperwork. Remember, you work for the citizens, and I'm a citizen, therefore you work for me.

Clerk: (Sigh) Quite right. Now, what did Mr. Grabryan receive in exchange for these 50 cones?

Woman: Receive? You mean like money or personal favors?

Clerk: Yes, that's what would make it an ethics violation.

Woman: Hmmm, well, there's more. He fired Ethylene Duster, and she's my friend.

Clerk: I see. Anything else?

Woman: Yes! He hired the wrong person to replace Ethylene.

Clerk: The wrong person? You mean there was someone more qualified?

Woman: Exactly...and he's really cute too.

Clerk: I see. Ms. Fulmer, if you'll just take a seat right over there, someone will be with you in a minute.

Woman: You mean the director of the Ethics Commission?

Clerk: Yes, the director (Sotto voce)...of the Mental Health Department.