Rusty Pipe Announces Bid for Mayor of Muscle Shoals

Rusty Pipe, longtime employee of the Muscle Shoals School System, has announced his candidacy for mayor. Pipe's press release states he wants to clean up the city plagued in the past with turtle killers, corrupt coaches, and original gangsters.

When asked what distinguishes him from other candidates, Mr. Pipe cited his years of service to the school system followed by a forced semi-retirement. He also stated that, like Bob Hill, he knows where the bodies are buried. 

Ala Joe Biden, Pipe then launched into a rambling tale of a council election from a generation ago in which he assisted a sitting member in incapacitating an opponent. The newly announced candidate quickly went on to say that his participation was purely involuntary. 

Pipe ended his press conference by reaffirming his support of Rep. Andrew Sorrell and strongly chastising the representative's critics within the system. Welcome to the world of politics, Mr. Pipe, where some are perverted enough to take a swipe at mothers, Santa Claus, and apple pie.