Thursday, July 5, 2018

Shoals Fairy Tales...Updated

Many years ago in a galaxy far, far away lived a wealthy prince. Now, this prince had a beautiful young daughter who attended high school with lesser beings and who fell shallowly in love with one obviously destined for lesser things. Graduation came, and the princess waltzed away to Agnes Scott College while her sweetheart was forced to attend something called the University of Common Alabama. 

The sweetheart dreaded the separation, but he knew his chosen one would remain true to him. She came home every chance she had, didn't she? Even though these visits were few and became fewer as the years progressed, the young commoner saw a future for them. Then college graduation came.

He popped the question. She said, "Oh." No, it seems that the princess knew that she was destined for the jet set life...and she proceeded to live it. Meanwhile the jilted boyfriend moved to the Kingdom of Ham to pursue a master's degree. He could go somewhere too.

Things moved along at a meteoric pace for the princess, that is until the prince died. These things sometimes happen in the best of well regulated families, and the prince left the princess...absolutely nothing. That's right. The prince made an obscene amount of money, but had spent it all on his family. There was nothing left, not even insurance. Our princess was broke. Her travels ended, and at home her friends weren't as friendly. She couldn't even afford her membership at the Amphibian Overhang Country Club.

What to do, what to do? She had it! That young commoner who had once asked for her hand - that was it. She seemed to remember that he had married a beautiful young woman who was obviously less picky than she, but that could all be taken care of. A quickie divorce couldn't cost that much. Taking pen in hand, the princess wrote the young commoner a letter in which she now accepted his proposal of marriage.

When the letter arrived at the home of the young commoner, who wasn't quite so common anymore, there was much shock and disbelief. He offered the letter to his beautiful wife to read. Do you need George Lucas to tell you how this faithful wife felt about the former princess attempting to lure her husband away.

The story had a happy ending for two of the people involved. We'll let you surmise which two. Will there be an update? Has Quentin Tarantino produced a shock ending for the 2018 version? A few of our readers tell us it's a possibility...


Did anyone ever figure out how the mall cop, er, college cop wound up behind Poodles' car to be backed over? 

On another note, Shoalanda now has at least a dozen investors in her hover board company. 

On still another note, we need to update P.T. Barnum's famous saying. Surely it's every second now.

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