22 Days of Listerhill Theft

 

Steve the Otter Merch

For three weeks this past winter, Listerhill customers in the Shoals (15 Northwest Alabama locations) area were victims of a gang of at least eight individuals who travel the country using skimmers to siphon off funds from ATMs. A total of 197 individuals lost an average of $8.8K each. More correctly, Listerhill insurance lost the 1.75 million. If you're not set up to view your accounts online, do that now. 

Not sure how a skimmer works?

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Hi, I'm Scout. I'm a 15 week-old male, but my breed is anyone's guess. Whatever, I'm a classic. Come see me at the Florence shelter in the industrial park:

Some Listerhill Customers are VERY Unhappy

 

If your Listerhill debit card was set to expire on June 30th, you may have had a rude awakening. Several readers have reported the cards were accidentally deactivated early.

If you're having problems with your card, you may call 256-383-9204.

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Have you been keeping up with Yellowhammer New's Top 50 political influencers in this state? Number 5 is Lt. Gov. Will Ainsworth.

That's the same Will Ainsworth who once stole a tiger head while drunk. Well, it is Alabama. Please, do not let this degenerate man become the next governor of Alabama.

Hoo Boy! Listerhill! Not Too Smart, Are You?

It’s “all about we?” Really? At least place “we” in quotes. We will assume that Listerhill wants its customers to have jobs, and we can assure you they won’t have the best ones if they speak that way.

And your advertising man? Even if he should be a good friend of ours, and we have no idea who he is, that is a horrible slogan. So here’s the term for today:

Idiot Savant: a person who is considered to be mentally handicapped but displays brilliance in a specific area, especially one involving memory.

We know some who qualify for this. They have a great aptitude for their jobs, but they don’t want to improve their lives in other says. Well, we have news: It doesn’t work that way. Strive to do better. You can be better, so why don’t you want to?

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A friend of ours sent us word about a man who once committed several serious crimes. We have no problem placing that in the man’s past. Yet our message to him, should he be reading and we doubt that he is, is that he can still be a better father. We’re not sure how many kids he does have, somewhere between three and five we understand. So one of your sons is a total jackass? Help him! Don’t be out gallivanting; isn’t that what caused many of your marriage/family problems to start with?

We’ll continue this in the next few days for the woman who’s been seen on FB saying it doesn’t matter what you’ve done in your past. We have news, it does…

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Hey, who can tell us Conan O’Brien’s early 90s quote about Scotty Pippin? It’s a hoot!

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Santa Arrested in Lauderdale County

Zip City: Reports of an illegally parked red and white sleigh in northern Lauderdale County brought Commissioner Rhea Tays Michael Fulmer and County Attorney Chris Smith out in the cold early this morning. While investigating the case of felony parking, the two also discovered eight cases of animal cruelty.

A reluctant and sleepy Sheriff Ronnie Willis arrested the sleigh's portly owner, an elderly man with no known local address. He's currently being held without bail in the Florence-Lauderdale Detention Center.

Fulmer and Smith immediately called a press conference to announce this was only the tip of the north polar iceberg. Sources say we can expect the arrest of approximately one hundred elves before the end of the month.

Fulmer and Smith's Republican opposition in the 2012 county elections have announced their own investigation into the matter, stating that the arrest serves no purpose in deterring county crime. Privately they have also suggested there may not be a Christmas for anyone under the age of ten this year.

When asked about this possible repercussion of the arrest and subsequent impoundment of the sleigh, both Fulmer and Smith referred all questions to a furry green man in the company of a small dog with antlers. More on this as it develops.

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Cherokee: The Cherokee Lions Club served almost 150 guests at its annual Breakfast with Santa. Congratulations to all these Lions and Lionettes for a job well done.

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The Shoals: Be aware of a new phone scam similar to the one involving Listerhill Credit Union last year. The current phone calls involve SunTrust bank and have been traced to Honduras. SunTrust is aware of this new scam, but if you should receive a call purporting to be from another institution, be sure to report it to the bank or credit union referenced.

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If you've had problems viewing the new Internet magazine The Connection, these glitches should now be taken care of. Part II in their investigative report on Rhea Fulmer's ethics complaint against George Grabryan is scheduled for early in the week. We look forward to their in depth look into what has become a misuse of both county time and state resources.


Shoalanda