Kelly Crotts: Sexual Torturer?

 

A new lawsuit against Kelly Dale Crotts: ...a civil lawsuit has been filed by Florence attorneys Rick Alvis and Rennie Moody, with plaintiffs identified as John Doe I, II and III, claiming that the Cornerstone Church of Christ where Crotts served enabled him to sexually torture them.

The salient phrase in that suit is "sexually torture." What does that entail under Alabama law? A person commits the crime of sexual torture if he/she penetrates the vagina or anus or mouth of another person with an inanimate object by forcible compulsion with the intent to sexually torture or to sexually abuse.

How much did the fringe religious group Cornerstone know? It will be interesting to know finally when this civil suit is tried. We do know that Crotts exuded an ultra-prissy persona, refusing to attend a high school reunion where liquor was served and reportedly ridiculing "under-dressed" women who shopped at a Central market. Like many accused of grooming young boys, he seemed to prefer those who had no father in the home, even giving them vehicles.

Parents, are you watching and listening?

Second Liz Sennett Killer to be Executed

 

A decade after the execution of John Forrest Parker, the state has announced the planned punishment for his partner in crime, Kenneth Eugene Smith. The convicted murderer of Elizabeth Sennett is now scheduled to die on November 17th.

Smith, who is now 57, has denied any part in Sennett's murder, stating he thought the plan called for merely robbing the woman. Not too bright or too honest, is he?

If the execution is not stopped, we hope he will relate more of Charles Sennett's part in his wife's murder. Suicide was too good for the so-called gospel minister.

New Names - Part II 400 Unit Band

 

We're not too much for "politically correct" when it comes to names, so we were surprised to receive a missive that decried the name "400 Unit" as a popular band. Is it insulting?

Technically, yes. The 400 Unit was a colloquial name for a now defunct inpatient behavioral unit at ECM Hospital. In other words, it wasn't complementary to say that someone should be sectioned to the 400 Unit. Our reader wants the name changed. Good luck with that.

Our take: 99% of the people who live outside the Shoals have no idea what the name signifies. Even most who are local probably don't care.

There's also the problem of the name being owned by a private group. Unlike Deshler or Joe Wheeler, the public has no real input into what the band is named. 

If we had a short-lived music venue with a name that is known to signify a woman of easy virtue, is the 400 Unit really that offensive?

Comments welcome...

New Names - Part I Joe Wheeler

 

Joseph "Fighting Joe" Wheeler (September 10, 1836 – January 25, 1906) was an American military commander and politician. He was a cavalry general in the Confederate States Army in the 1860s during the American Civil War, and then a general in the United States Army during both the Spanish-American and Philippine–American Wars near the turn of the twentieth century.

After we wrote a humorous blog about changing the name of a local military facility from Joe Wheeler to Inspiration Landing, many wrote concerned about the proposed name change...to whatever it may be. For any who are truly concerned, you may write:

Robert B. Aderholt

For those who expressed renewed concern about changing the name of Deshler High School, it's been two years since we have heard anything of this campaign. If we discover new information, we will publish it here.

Next up: 400 Unit?

Let's Get Those Puppers a Transmission

 

One of our regular bloggers recently asked why an animal control vehicle was at the Greenway Kia for at least a week. Apparently, the Kia dealership in Sheffield is helping the Colbert shelter at a reduced rate. Where is the animal control board in all this?

You may not like the current staff, but you can donate directly to a transmission fund at Kia:

Greenway Kia

4109 North Jackson Highway

Sheffield, AL 5660

Mark your checks/donations specifically for the transmission work/mechanical repairs needed. Then call your local council and ask why they aren't paying to have this work done as swiftly as possible.

Some readers asked why local businesses wouldn't donate a new vehicle to the shelter? Is there anyone out there who would help with this? Remember, the animals are not responsible for what the idiot humans do.

No Betterton Coverup on Our Part

 

We were asked why we didn't cover the misdemeanor arrest of Christopher Jackson Betterton, the grandson of the mayor of Florence. We replied to our reader that his DUI was not exactly earth-shattering news; however, we later linked an article from a blog not related to our group.

Now it seems there's a great deal more to the story. The 22 year-old Betterton was first arrested in Florence in the early morning hours of September 11th - see photo below. The shirtless Betterton's only local charge was DUI-Alcohol.

By noon of September 12th, Betterton has been transferred to Madison County where he had a warrant for violation of probation in a felony conviction in that county. As of today, he remains in the Madison County Jail with no bond.

Why no bond? Betterton has a second hold. We're told it involves his September 2020 Texas arrest on drug and weapon charges. Chambers County charged the young man with possession of five separate types of drugs for resale and illegally possessing a gun. He would have been 19 at the time. Once bonded out, Betterton quickly returned to Alabama and failed to return for scheduled court proceedings.

While we can hardly blame the mayor for all his grandson's transgressions, we can infer that he has not been the positive influence that he should have been in the young man's life.

Doesn't Florence deserve a better mayor?

Lauderdale Admin Says "Shoot the Dog?"

 

If you live in Lauderdale county and have ever cared about a dog, a cat or horse in need of help, now is the time I need your help!!! Our county commission is about to make its 3rd attempt at running an animal control department. Every time they have tried so many problems have occurred and the program has failed. Countless animals have suffered due to this. They have posted a job for an animal control officer with no department, no director, no trucks or equipment, no policy and procedures. The worst part is no requirements for the job besides a high school diploma. 

We have to have a system in place or these animal control officers will not know what laws to enforce, how to catch animals or how to keep shelter numbers low. One thing that most departments are doing around the country is shelter diversion. Shelter diversion is where the officers work with the community to help place the dogs back with owners ,or provide what’s needed for owners to keep the dog, horse etc instead of crowding the shelter. If the shelter becomes full animals they will have to be euthanized to decrease the numbers . We are trying to work in current times while the commission’s administrator is telling citizens that she will have a deputy sent out to shoot a non-aggressive dog. 

Is this what our county needs? NO! We need a better system and the county commission needs to be held responsible and change made. We don’t need to be like Franklin county, but we are headed there! You are tax payers and deserve appropriate services. Please join us Monday night 5 pm Lauderdale County courthouse 3rd floor. Please come show your support for change.

Florence Supports ShoalsFest, Killen Supports Pot Dispensary

 

We have long criticized our state legislature and local city councils for wasting valuable time and resources on superfluous commendations and proclamations. Earlier this month, Florence mayor Andy Betterton proclaimed it ShoalsFest Day. How many of you were then given a paid holiday from work?

Not only that, ShoalsFest Day is to become an annual event, even though we've had only two festivals so far. Remember the Billy Reid Shindig and the Sam Phillips Festival? Nothing lasts forever, especially in the Shoals.

Then we have Killen. The small town is one of eight in Alabama to have established a city ordinance allowing a medical marijuana dispensary. As of now, only 37 will be licensed in this state, but nevertheless Killen is ready for the huge revenue maker should it arrive. 

Killen mayor Tim Tubbs admits he doubts his town will ever actually acquire such a dispensary, but at least it's ready should one show interest. And Florence? Not a peep. They don't call Betterton "Napping Nancy" for nothing.

Speaking of Betterton: First Grandson in More Trouble

Please Help Save Sam

 

Reportedly, this dog lay like this for between one to two weeks. His owners are said to be either older or physically incapacitated. If true, we hope they also get the help they need. 

It's also been reported that neither Franklin nor Colbert Counties would help this dog. (Isn't Corey Speegle special?) The Florence shelter has taken Sam in and is seeing that he gets the help (the very expensive help) he now needs.

We're asking that anyone who is able donate to a fund for Sam. The form that pops us will say $25.00; however, you may change that to something much smaller...or larger is you have the resources.

Once Sam is well, he will be placed in a rescue or directly in a home where he will have food, warmth, medical care, and love for the rest of his life. We'll be doing updates on Sam when available.

Donate to Sam via PayPal

Place Your Bets on Which Project Finishes First

 

Have any erudite comments about these three projects? Send them to us.

Project 1: Inspiration Landing. 2022 marks the 8th year this project has been in the news. In January, John Elkington stated construction should begin on amphitheater before end of year. Then a few weeks ago, it was announced the plans for the outdoor venue had been scrapped and new plans for a different location were in the works. We eagerly await the next announcement.

Project 2: The Ag Center. It was last mentioned in August when a five million dollar increase in cost of road widening was announced. That's okay - the schools still have plenty of dollars to be siphoned off.

Project 3: ECM property renovation. It's been 21 months since Joel Anderson Jr. and friends purchased the 12 acres that were once home to the Florence hospital. Will a residential development ever come to fruition? Or will the plans suddenly morph into a trendy shopping complex if the College Street bridge finally gets the okay?

Tell us what you think. Sorry, there are no cash prizes if you pick an eventual winner...assuming there is an eventual completed project.

How to Claim Your Student Loan Forgiveness

 

Information about student loan forgiveness remains fluid. As it stands now, the first week in October will bring forms online. If you need any info on the subject, here's the link to find your current balance and other pertinent data:

Student Aid Info

If you just need a form as quickly as possible, use this link to be notified: 

Forgiveness Form

Borrowers are urged to complete and remit the forgiveness form by November 15th in order to avoid any January 2023 payments or over-payments.

Now, take a deep breath and pray for our country.

More Arrests for Our Former Blogger Anthony Durham

 

Anthony Shane Durham was arrested on September 15th on charges of Possession of Drug Paraphernalia, Possession of Methamphetamine, and Failure to Appear. Court records show that Durham, who claims to have paid all previous fines, etc., still owes the City of Florence $2,166.00. 

Durham, who used the pen name Jasper Black when he blogged for Shoalanda Speaks, is scheduled to appear on these charges November 8th. Besides two traffic cases, he still faces jail time on being a felon in possession of a gun and bail jumping. 

After we last reported on the 36 year-old homeless man, he contacted us to threaten a lawsuit and to again blame us for not "using our influence" to have charges dropped after assaulting his then wife and threatening his wife's co-worker. It would seem that Durham has a pattern of threatening and assaulting women. 

We have checked, and the woman he threatened or possibly attacked at a local apartment complex last winter has passed away, meaning there is no way to press charges on this incident. We do know that Anthony is the subject of a serious investigation that we hope is concluded swiftly. 

We all need to continue our efforts to feed, clothe, and provide shelter for the less fortunate. Let's just remember to keep safe while doing it. We sincerely believe in assisting the homeless when possible, but it isn't always a given that these individuals are mentally competent and no threat to others.

Do we regret attempting to help Anthony? No. We just wish there had been a better outcome.

Franklin Teacher Slaps Kindergarten Student?

 

Alabama is a state where corporal punishment is legal...under certain circumstances. What kind of climate does that create in the classroom?

The parents of a child we will identify only as C.H. have come forward to relate how their male kindergarten student was slapped at least twice in a recent incident where he was accused of raucous behavior. 

The teacher in question was given a class transfer and a short unpaid leave in punishment for her untoward actions. One source who has not been verified has stated the suspension was for three days.

We do not know if this educator has tenure in Franklin County Schools or not. From the facts that are known, we sincerely hope this teacher's contract is not renewed.

Should C.H.'s family now take legal action against this woman? It happened in Tennessee last fall. While we're not sure this is the best way to handle the situation, it might encourage the Franklin BOE to take these incidents more seriously.

Another Ben Harrison Skeleton?

 

Republican Ben Harrison has previously been extremely cavalier about his nomination for District 2 state representative. He's certainly not alone in his hubris, but now it's been revealed by state political writer Kyle Whitmire that Harrison works for GOP chair John Wahl.

How does that song go? Oooh, that smell...

We hope each District 2 voter will write in Kimberly Butler on November 8th.

*****

Reasons not to have one's photograph taken:

Shoalanda - For some reason photos make me look 112 years old.

John Wahl - I'm an Anabaptist and I believe the camera will steal my soul. (He and his family refuse to show DL photo to vote.)

Our reply to Shoalanda is that it's not the photo making you look old.

Our reply to Wahl is if you believe that, you're not intelligent enough to run a county animal shelter much less the state Republican party.

Please! Let's all ask the Great Pumpkin for some common sense in this state.

Why Was Rhonda Spencer Barksdale Driving Children?

 

We're already hearing the jokes: If I had to drive 40 screaming kids, I'd be on Xanax too. Funny? Not if it were your child...on the morning school run no less.

Rhonda Spencer Barksdale is a Vina High grad who lives in Red Bay and, until earlier today, drove a Tharptown school bus route in Franklin County. Several motorists saw her bus swerving over the road this morning and called authorities who promptly arrested her. The 58 year-old Barksdale spent less than six hours in the Franklin County Detention Center before being released on bond.

Barksdale is charged with one count of reckless endangerment for each student on her bus - 40 in all. This is one excellent reason that students should carry their mobile to school. Sad isn't it?

So far the Franklin County Board of Education hasn't commented. 

Is 70 Years in Prison Long Enough for Michael Tays?

 

Some news accounts are referring to Michael Tays as a Florence resident; however, he actually lived in St. Florian, a small town to the north of Florence. This is where he repeatedly abused an eight year-old girl sexually, all the while videoing the criminal acts.

After some stills of the various crimes were found on his phone three years ago, the now 36 year-old porn producer was arrested. It has taken three years for his case to proceed through the system. Now he's been sentenced to 70 years on a Class A Felony.

While there will be no Correctional Incentive Time for Tays, there will be a chance for parole. At best, he will have no viable chance for release for 30 years, but this is still too soon. If Tays should live to be over 100, does he deserve freedom even then?

How free will his victim be having to live with the memories of his abuse? Some states mandate a life sentence for crimes involving the production of child pornography. It's a shame that Alabama isn't one of them.

Roadblock to Andrew Davenport Trial?

 

On September 17th, it will be four years since Benjamin Andrew Davenport allegedly shot 26 year-old Amber Streitmatter to death as she stood in her own garage in Muscle Shoals:

Due to various reasons, the Tuscumbia man has not yet come to trial, and that's the basis of a very unusual problem for the Colbert County legal system. At the time of Davenport's arrest, Hal Hughston III was appointed a defense attorney. Now four years later, Hughston will soon be the Colbert County district attorney charged with prosecuting the alleged shooter.

In Capital Murder cases, at least two attorneys usually represent a defendant. Could the trial take place as scheduled with the remaining attorney? Could an assistant district attorney present the prosecution without jeopardizing any possible guilty verdict?

All in all, this will be a very interesting case to follow.

The Truth about OR Bonds

What is an OR bond: Release on your own recognizance means you don't have to pay bail. Simply put, OR release is no-cost bail. Defendants released on their own recognizance need only sign a written promise to appear in court as required. No bail has to be paid, either to the court or to a bail bond seller.


From an expert:

Coming to a city near you. There's still a couple of counties that are doing OR bonds when the rest of Alabama is making sure the defendants are held accountable. With OR bonds, the defendants have no one to monitor them or keep track of them. If they miss court, it's the tax payers who will pay the price. It could be years if ever they are caught to answer to any charges. 

The bonding industry is an essential piece of mechanics with in the justice system to make sure the defendants have their day in court and also the victims have justice. The bail industry holds the defendants accountable by forcing them the comply with conditions of release and to regularly checked in. The counties don't require it. They have no way of contacting the defendants once they are released, they sure won't sent a law enforcement officer to check on them. 

10% Cash bonds are basically the same way, the county collects the fee, turns the defendants loose and they scatter because they know not a single person will knock on their door looking to make sure they are in compliance. They know no one will monitor them, they are free to commit more crimes, they all know they will be set free the moment they get booked in. This is the road that we are headed down. Rather it be the county you live it or the one next door. OR bonds and 10% Cash bonds put the citizens and businesses at risk and in danger. 

Ask yourself if you would be okay with a judge releasing a rapist who raped your daughter on a 10% Cash bond or worse an OR bond? How about the guy who broke into your house while your family slept? Would you want to see justice or just forget about it because no one will be looking for the person who robbed you or worse? Start making phone calls to your local Sheriff's, judges, police chiefs and state reps.

Now Who's a Troll Again?

 

Does everyone remember Winthrop Armstead, ostensibly a black scholar who supported the idea that former Confederate officers (think Joe Wheeler) could never be repatriated even though they had returned to the Federal fold. 

How about Joe McLeod, a good ol' Rebel from Tuscumbia?

The Sad Sack cartoon character who hated Florence Councilman Jimmy Oliver?

Bob/Robert White who monitored the Florence council meetings and prayed to the Flying Spaghetti Monster?

The would-be Joe McCarthy who monitored Florence for suspicious behavior with a dedicated Facebook page?

Would you be surprised to know that all five of these characters (and probably more) are the same City of Florence employee? Yet now this troll has accused several others in Florence of doing what he has been guilty of.

He's also lamented that Facebook will not take down the "Florence Historical Board" page, calling it the work of a troll. Have you visited this page? Much is satire - not trolling, but a great deal is simply common sense remarks about the state of the city as well as its university.

The page clearly states it's not connected to the city which no longer has a historical board (it's now a commission). If you haven't visited this page, you should. We promise you'll learn something...

Florence Historical Board

Are You a Counter-Community Outcast?

 

Leatrice is part of the 25% of the Shoals who fervently believe pink hydrangeas are superior to other shades.

But 25% of the population are just as adamant that blue is preferable.

The other 50%? They couldn't care less.

Is one view better than the others? It just might be if Leatrice is head of the Shoals Gardening Commission. Be forewarned that if you don't totally support Leatrice's view, you'll have no say in any gardening matters of the Shoals. You are now deemed a part of a counter-community who deserves no respect.

In fact, Leatrice will openly ridicule you in front of the public. She'll tell outsiders that you're just not to be taken seriously if you don't share her view. You may ask why the Shoals officials who sponsor the Gardening Commission allow Leatrice to behave in that manner. Do they feel the so-called counter-community has no rights? Deserves no respect as tax-paying citizens?

Now let's substitute a City of Florence employee for Leatrice. Here's what he said about certain members of the public in a recent nationally published thesis:

We maintain that those who have forfeited their relationship to the truth have also forfeited their relationships to the communities, which is why we refer to them as the "counter-community." They are in fact cultural insurrectionists...

Obviously, the above statement could be interpreted in several different ways. Just what does the author consider a relationship to the community? Does he not feel the need to serve and respect equally all citizens who pay his salary?

Perhaps we need to look more deeply into this thesis, as well as previous statements about the institutions of Florence. Then we need to look much more deeply into how these published beliefs might influence our city's economic future.

*****

We wish to thank one of our fans for purchasing and sending us a copy of the August edition of The Public Historian which contains the above referenced work "Public History in the Age of Insurrection" by City of Florence employee Brian W. Murphy.

Calling Colbert County EMA...

 

Our J. Redmon has a question for Michael David Smith of the Colbert County EMA:

On 09/09/2022 @ approximately 1625HRS, Colbert County's EMA white Tahoe left the Colbert County Road Department, entered the westbound lane of ALT72W, and immediately accelerated to approximately 70mph (55 mph zone). This was coupled with numerous improper lane changes (no signals given). This rate of speed was maintained to the railroad overpass (55 mph zone) where traffic congestion forced a slower speed. Where was the 'emergency' that dictated such erratic and improper driving by a public official? At least one Colbert County taxpayer would like to know.

The ADOC Needs to Explain This Death

 

St. Clair Correctional Facility

From the Alabama Political Reporter:

Charles Eugene Fortenberry, 74, who was serving a life sentence at the St. Clair County facility for a murder committed in Calhoun County and who was under hospice care at the facility, was “observed in respiratory distress” by the health care staff at the prison on Sunday.

Staff attempted life-saving measures on Fortenberry but were unsuccessful, the spokesperson said, and he was later pronounced deceased.

While probably only the family of Fortenberry are grieving his death, we should all care about the information being fed the public concerning the event. Look closely at the two paragraphs above. They don't match.

Either the deceased wasn't in hospice care or the medical staff didn't follow protocol when they tried to revive him. Either way, something is wrong here that should be corrected. 

If we had to guess, the prison is staffed with ill-trained medical personnel. Welcome to Alabama. 

Surgeon General of Alabama

Do You Care How the World Sees Florence (etal.)?

 

SSN is here live with a man on the street interview from Sheboygan...

SS: Sir, have you ever heard of Florence, Alabama?

MOS: Yes. In fact I remember news from that area recently.

SS: Do you recall anything specific?

MOS: Well...there was that escaped convict...and some sort of idiot logo news. Then there was that business story that the locals don't "talk proper."

Now you should be asking what can we do to improve the image of Florence and the Shoals. Yet we predict many of you are thinking it could be worse; after all, it's not like a city employee is publishing "scholarly works" about how bad certain aspects of the town are...

This is not a tree falling in a deserted forest. This is a real problem with real industrialists and national pundits looking on. Do you like the message they're hearing?

Instead of simply saying outsiders are mistaken and that's their problem, isn't it time to realize that Florence is the one suffering if we don't make serious efforts to improve our image? If we don't, that large widget company from Sheboygan will never open a factory here and your brother-in-law will never get a job.

Sign Petition on AL House District 2 Election

 

Can the absolute boondoggle that was the Republican primary in State House District 2 be repaired? We'll never know unless we try.

Kimberly Butler is asking voters to sign the petition for election integrity in District 2:

Sign Butler Petition

We trust Judge Will Motlow to make sure this type of ballot error does not happen a second time. In the interim, we need to do what we can to correct the current situation.

Additionally, we urge everyone to write in Kimberly Butler on November 8th.

Are Fentanyl "Murders" That Difficult to Prove?

 

Last week, a 15 year-old girl in Mobile died of an overdose of Fentanyl. The older male friend who supplied the drug has been charged in her murder. We don't usually see that happening here in the Shoals.

According to the DEA, Fentanyl is now the drug of choice for many since it's not only extremely potent, it's totally synthetic and doesn't rely on a natural crop for production. Unfortunately, it's also much more dangerous.

Again, Alabama is failing its citizens in mental health treatment. Why?

Also this week, Attorney General Steve Marshall has announced he knows more than Veterans' Affairs physicians concerning dangerous pregnancies. How lucky can one state be?

Happy Labor Day 2022

 

It's time for our readers' favorite - the Labor Day Beauty Contest!

Contestant No. One is representing the Dog Catchers' Union. Coreander Speegmutt is a dark horse whose talent is hiding food from 25 or more dogs at once. We can hear the boos now.

Contestant No. Two is a real crowd pleaser. Sissy Limsky (nee Jordan) is representing Florence Park workers. Her mesmerizing talent is a spot-on imitation of a seal catching fish while balancing a ball on her nose. Sissy tells us she's on a career high, having just been posted to monitor the McFarland Pier, for which her bonus is all the fish she can eat.

Our No. Three is not yet definite, but is scheduled to represent Mexican food workers. When last we checked, Lupe was still held up at the Rio Grande after her seventh buying trip of the year.

No. Four is Flo Inkswell representing the Public Relations Lobby. Flo, sometimes spelled F!, admits she's a long shot after her bad press earlier this year, but hopes her performance as a waltzing tap dancer will win the crowd over.

Last at No. Five is Bran W. Flakey representing the UNA Adjunct Alliance. Many thought Bran's soliloquy from the movie Ironweed couldn't be beat...until he was accused of copyright infringement and dragged from the stage by members of the Southern Library League.

The winner is expected to be announced when law enforcement finally clears the area.

Impersonating the District Attorney?

 

From an August 9, 2021, news article:

On August 5th, Brady Irons was ordered back to jail in Lauderdale County. She is currently being held in the Detention Center without bond.

On June 30, Brady Ann Irons was arrested in Florence on a bench warrant from Florence Municipal Court. She was also charged with possession of drug paraphernalia, possession of dangerous drugs, and trespassing. Irons posted bond and was released.

From May: Brady Ann Irons who was once part of what law enforcement dubbed the "Heroin 22," has been arrested in Florence on two charges of Failure to Appear. Irons is currently awaiting trial on several theft charges in Franklin, Cullman, and Autauga Counties relating to shoplifting and gift card scams.

Now over one year later, this letter dated 8/23/22 from "Chris Conley" is making the rounds:

These are not true facts, I'm the district attorney of Lauderdale county and if you want to try to down someone y'all might want to look in the mirror we are not perfect, and we have no clue what really happened or didn't, correct? So let's grow up and try to be positive and encourage or fellow brothers and sister... Are y'all not tired of the gossip and negative stuff.? I know for fact that these are all false accusations....to be honest Mrs. irons is in a 1/???? way house doing very well, so lets grow up please

Interestingly, the e-mail address where this originated is wrted62@gmail.com. If any are not aware, Ted Wright is Irons' partner in several scams involving Walmart and other retail establishments. 

We're not sure which crimes Wright thinks Irons is innocent of, but we are sure Mr. Chris Connolly would not appreciate anyone using his name in this manner - not to mention misspelling it.  Poor Ted and Brady...always the victims.

When Your Google Assistant Corrects You

 

We have a great script for the next Twilight Zone reboot:

Our protagonist has every intention of watching the Auburn football game, but what will a few minutes of sleep hurt after an afternoon at work? Awakening some time later, our groggy subject realizes something is off. The Google Home Assistant gives the current score and announces the game is now in delay.

Human: Why is the game delayed?

Google: There was a lightning strike at Jawhrdun-Hare Stadium

Human (who can't resist): We believe you'll find that's pronounced Jerrdun.

Google: The correct pronunciation is Jawhrdun.

Our protagonist decides to just give up and escape to the kitchen in search of a snack of soylent green. The dystopia is here...

Another Rape in Mattielou Hall

 

A rape was reported in Mattielou Hall on July 15th. The basic report does not give exact date of alleged crime.

Ladies, do not be too trusting. Stock up on self-defense materials and report any crimes against you. We know it's difficult, but you know your assailant will not stop with you. It wasn't a one-off for him. Stop him now!

*****

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