Happy Labor Day 2022

 

It's time for our readers' favorite - the Labor Day Beauty Contest!

Contestant No. One is representing the Dog Catchers' Union. Coreander Speegmutt is a dark horse whose talent is hiding food from 25 or more dogs at once. We can hear the boos now.

Contestant No. Two is a real crowd pleaser. Sissy Limsky (nee Jordan) is representing Florence Park workers. Her mesmerizing talent is a spot-on imitation of a seal catching fish while balancing a ball on her nose. Sissy tells us she's on a career high, having just been posted to monitor the McFarland Pier, for which her bonus is all the fish she can eat.

Our No. Three is not yet definite, but is scheduled to represent Mexican food workers. When last we checked, Lupe was still held up at the Rio Grande after her seventh buying trip of the year.

No. Four is Flo Inkswell representing the Public Relations Lobby. Flo, sometimes spelled F!, admits she's a long shot after her bad press earlier this year, but hopes her performance as a waltzing tap dancer will win the crowd over.

Last at No. Five is Bran W. Flakey representing the UNA Adjunct Alliance. Many thought Bran's soliloquy from the movie Ironweed couldn't be beat...until he was accused of copyright infringement and dragged from the stage by members of the Southern Library League.

The winner is expected to be announced when law enforcement finally clears the area.