If John Merrill Gave Truthful Interviews...

 

John Merrill Gives His Team A Plug (That He Had Left Over) 

SS: Today we have Alabama Secretary of State John Merrill visiting our blog. Thank you for stopping by, Sec. Merrill.

JM: I would have visited earlier, but I've been tied up quite a bit. You'd be surprised at the knotty situations some legal assistants can create.

SS: But things must have slowed down since the election last November?

JM: Just a little, but I'm not one to sit on my tush.

SS: So your latest lady friend has reported. How have these revelations affected your wife?

JM: Good question. If they ever let me back in Phil Campbell, I'll be sure to try to find out.

SS: Since you've admitted to this extra-marital affair, do you have anything to say about the accusations from 2015 that you so vigorously denied?

JM: Not unless a second tape turns up. Can you believe the gall of some people to record life's most intimate bondage moments? 

SS: Well, she is from Montgomery. Do you plan to return to Tuscaloosa permanently now that your political career is finished?

JM: I'm glad you asked that. After much thought and prayer, I've decided to become the new chaplain for the Crimson Tide football team. Tuscaloosa is home, after all, plus it's close to the noted dermatologist Dr. Robert Bentley. I need him to check out this rash on my, umm, cheeks.

There you have it. John Merrill making Mo Brooks look good since this morning...