Betterton Bans Handicap-Carts

 

"H*ll, No! Those Gimps Don't Ride On My Money!"

The City of Florence has always been proud to advertise its SportsPlex, yet the recreational jewel has not been without its problems. According to many, a major concern for those in attendance has been ambulating up the hill from the parking lot to the fields where the games are played. It's an arrangement that promotes grass health, but not patron well-being.

During the four years of Mayor Steve Holt's tenure in office, and we understand even before, the city has furnished the physically handicapped a ride from the parking area to the fields via a golf cart. No more, says Handy Dandy Andy.

SportsPlex employees have been quick to point out to disgruntled citizens that this new edict comes directly from Napping Nancy himself, not the Recreation Department. Why this change in policy? Betterton has mumbled something about the rides promoting COVID. Really? Just how does that work?

Does a quick ride in an open-air vehicle while wearing a mask increase the danger of the virus to the city employee driving? If so, let's close all city departments at once until the Shoals is totally free of COVID-19.

We've recently asked two of Andy's acquaintances just what is the matter with our mayor. One replied that he gets to make so few decisions himself that he wants to stand out when he has the opportunity. The second felt that Andy had never been allowed to be himself and was consequently mad at the world.

Meanwhile, the City of Florence suffers...