ZAR Brings Us Important News from UNA

Hello Ms. S,

Another Thanksgiving has come and gone. I am very sorry that we were not able to get together this year. Between the tryptophan and mushroom gravy, I've been out of it all weekend.

You will be happy to know that my niece paid me a nice long visit. She still attends the University of North Alabama. I think she may be on the 'ten-year program'.

She said that on Thursday, December 2 members of the faculty will have a big meeting. The faculty senate will have its monthly meeting broadcast on Zoom. Do you know if that channel is on Comcast?

I almost died laughing while imagining all of those instructors calling each other senator (senator, senator, senator, senator). Talk about play-acting. Haha!

Word on campus is that Senator Makowski and Senator Owens-Murphy are both hot under the collar concerning the new conflict of interest and financial disclosure policy.

You may know Senator Makowski as being the chairperson of the Lauderdale County Cemetery Board. Did you know that when you die and are buried your remains become the property of the State of Alabama? That is why I am being cremated.

Of course, everyone knows Senator Owens-Murphy. She is the one that released a popular rap song a couple of years ago. Something about pasta not being able to save your soul. I am not sure of the actual title. The B-side was my favorite - no justice no pizza!

The student body at UNA keeps getting larger and larger. Kind of like myself after eating all this delicious Thanksgiving food.

So many students now attend classes virtually. What I want to know is why do they need professors on campus for online classes? Couldn't they use prerecorded clips?

My baby niece did say that Kitts has just about worried himself into a tizzy concerning the City of Florence being placed in a new legislative district. Supposedly it will change university funding. I guess he should have thought about that before things got so out of control.

I still miss my wild and crazy days at UNA. I think you were at some of those parties we use to have.

I can't believe they got Patterson Hood from the Drive-By Truckers to deliver the commencement speech during a recent graduation ceremony. I always thought his GPA and mine were about the same.

But unlike him, I'm not very woke. In fact, I rarely ever woke up in time for classes.

I hope to see you at the annual dirty Santa Christmas party. I will there with bells on!


You good bud, Zack A.R.

A Once Well-Known Faculty Consort