People Are Freezing in Ukraine and Logan Taylor Cannot Connect You to the Dead

 

People are freezing in Ukraine and Kanye West is encouraging nutjobs to shoot up synagogues, but here in the Shoals we're worried about Krampus. Let's address some passages from the TimesDaily article on the Tuscumbia debacle:

Hesperia Mystic Shoppe in Sheffield, obtained a permit from the city to hold the "Festival of Yule" on Dec. 3. The shop is next door to the Noble Sparrow Tattoo, which features a mural of the late Sheffield Police Officer Nick Risner on the side.

Anyone know what this dubious shop's location has to do with the festival? This article even gives directions. Noble Sparrow Tattoo? Is that the one that uses a swallow as a logo? This should tell you the level of intelligence we're dealing with here.

A Swallow is NOT a Sparrow

"We do have Logan Taylor, a psychic medium, just to connect people with their angels, with their loved ones. He's not dealing with demons and dark things at all. He's trying to give them comfort."

News flash: Logan Taylor cannot connect you to your angels or deceased loved ones. If he could do this, he would not be residing in a small Tennessee town, but a large Mayfair townhouse attended by world leaders. Logan Taylor wants your money. If you choose to give it to him? Well, a fool and his money and all that jazz.

Where St. Nicholas would bring presents to good children, Krampus would beat naughty children with branches and sticks, and in some cases, take them back to his lair and eat them.

When we mentioned Krampus yesterday, we hesitated to relate that the demon ate children. We believed this was part of the legend, but couldn't immediately find the reference. So if your idea of family friendly is eating the little angels you've brought into the world, go for it. 

Our takeaways?

1) Tune in next month when we expect to see the town of Tuscumbia hosting a UNA sex worker gala.

2) Pray for Ukraine, our country, American Jews, and Cadillac. (Not necessarily in that order.)