(Virtual) Labor Day Beauty Contest 2020

 

If you thought a little plague would keep our annual Labor Day Beauty Contest on hold this year, you're quite mistaken. This year it's virtual, and votes will be tabulated, oh, at some point whenever anyone feels like it. Here are 2020's real Shoals worker contestants:

First is Cassie Eugene pictured above. Cassie is representing Shoals Weight Watchers. Her talent is donning two pairs of Spanks at once. Ah, nothing says femininity like a combo of Weight Watchers and Spanks.

Second is Lydia Prine representing the Tuscumbia Tattoo Trade Union. Lydia's talent is using her muscles to make two Siamese cat tattoos dance the Minuet on her midriff. You don't see talent like that every day, folks!

Third up is Stella Inkman courtesy of the TimesDaily. Stella's costume is made entirely of unsold copies of the TD. Her talent portion will be begging the audience to subscribe to the publication. We're not sure there's enough talent in the world to succeed at that, but we do give Ms. Inkman points for trying. 

Fourth to compete will be Sally Atwill representing the Florence Panhandling Federation. Sally will attempt to collect at least twenty bucks from online funding before the FPD arrests her.

Fifth on the virtual stage is Chance Backspring representing Shoals Chiropractors. Chance will sing I Did It My Way as he runs from Lauderdale County Sheriff's deputies. It may not end well.

There you have the 2020 lineup. Let's hope we actually survive until the 2021 contest!