Ryan Magers Jumped the Cliff, Shed His Pants, & Now Wants a Monetary Reward

There once was a rich lord, who was in need of a carriage driver. He interviewed several potential drivers asking them all the same question, “The road which leads to my castle has many dangerous areas. On one stretch of that road there is a steep mountain on one side and a sharp drop-off into a canyon on the other side. If you were to be selected to drive my carriage, just how close to that cliff do you think you could get the carriage without going over the edge?”

The first man said timidly, “Well, I am a good driver! I suppose could get your carriage to within 6 feet from the edge!”

The second man said more confidently, “I am an excellent driver! I could get your carriage at least 3 feet from the edge!”

The third man said boldly, “None surpass me in excellence! I am sure I could get the carriage right up to the edge of the road without going over!”

But for all their professed skill, it was the fourth man who was hired. The fourth man had said, “Sir, if you would give me the honor and privilege of driving your carriage, I would stay as far away from the edge of the cliff as possible.”

This isn't a blog about the right or wrong of induced abortion. Those who read our writings regularly know that we in no way support induced abortion as a form of birth control. This is a blog about a young man, approximate age 19, who is no catch by any decent standards. Since young Mr. Magers has inserted himself into public domain, we feel this is an excellent chance to turn his story into a modern morality play. What we're stating here are simple facts about Mr. Magers, followed by some logical conclusions.

1. There are two ways to prevent pregnancy. The first and best way is to abstain from sex, something the 17 year old Magers obviously didn't want to do. The second is to use birth control, something Magers also didn't do. He didn't care about himself or his partner. Ladies, you may do as you wish, but if you're not worth the cost of a box of Walmart condoms to your pimply faced, toga wearing Lothario, our advice is to give him the sack.

2. Speaking of that toga... Magers says it rocked his world when his girlfriend had an induced abortion in February 2017. The above photo of Magers was taken in August 2017. Yes, obviously someone pointed a gun at his head to make him want to party after what his girlfriend put him through. 

3. Speaking of his girlfriend... Magers has been kind enough to keep dated Facebook photos of the poor misguided young woman on his Timeline. What a gentleman!

4. Magers wanted to memorialize the six week old fetus, so he commissioned a sleeve tattoo that tells the story of "Baby Roe." If this young man should ever be lucky enough to find another girlfriend, we just bet that tat will go over really big with her parents. Wouldn't a cash donation to Agape or another adoption agency have been more appropriate?

5. Now, Magers is appearing on television, complete with tattoo and bleached hair, but thankfully no toga. He's promoting his lawsuit against the clinic, physicians, and pharmaceutical companies that all played a part in his girlfriend's induced abortion. Think Magers came up with that idea himself, or do you think he's being used by several people, not the least of which is an attorney with political ambitions?

6. Lest you think Magers is totally in the dark concerning this lawsuit, he's asking for monetary damages to be determined by a jury. That's right - Ryan Magers is going for the green. Nothing like some cool cash to make you forget your troubles, is there?

Finally, in case any of you think Magers can win this suit, the U.S. Supreme Court has already ruled that a putative father cannot stop a woman from having an induced abortion. No matter what one may think of this law, it's still the law. 

If Alabama schools need anything, it's more emphasis on self-respect, self-control, and sex education...and fewer toga parties.

Ryan Magers in No Way Approved This Message.