Labor Day 2023

 

Yes, it's time for our readers' favorite blog of the year - the Labor Day Beauty contest. In our annual contest, the entrants are real workers and laborers in the Shoals area who bring their unique talents to the Spring Park stage.

This year, we have some amazing entrants. Just who will win?

Contestant #1 - Mike Loggerhead will be representing the Shoals plumbers' union. Mike weighs in at a hefty 650#...or 200# if weighed on a Georgia scale. His talent portion features wielding a 60" spanner which he uses to bring down crumbling malls. He's considered a long shot due to his foot in mouth disease.

Contestant #2 - Balacky B. Blunderbuss is representing the softball players league. He too is a long shot due to the possibility he may be arrested on numerous assault charges before he makes it to the stage to juggle three bobcats.

Contestant #3 - Randy Worserton is the Democrat's entrant. His talent is making videos in which he takes personal credit for building Wilson Dam, First Methodist Church, and a lopsided East Florence junk yard doghouse. Rumors are swirling that Randy has purchased several judges' votes with a promise to make Florence the siesta capital of the U.S.

Contestant #4 is Kathy Ogle, a UNA professor who has been on extended leave while preparing for this year's contest. Many are looking forward to her talent presentation where she will hurl insults at the owner of a well-liked Italian eatery while attempting to bash a protest sign over the heads of her fellow contestants. The main question is can she pull it off?

Contestants #5 & #6 bring the first duo act to the stage. Representing Lauderdale County teachers are Bro Knapsack and P.M. County. The couple will attempt to shred a school system handbook while simultaneously singing "You Better Do It Our Way." They have a strong chance of winning if no one reports them to the state board of education before the judges rule.

Emetrol will be sold at the gate...