Miss Labor Day Contest 2019

It's without a doubt our most popular post each year. So back by public demand is a rundown on this year's Miss Labor Day contestants direct from Spring Park:

1. Representing the Remington Workers (Huntsville) Union is Gert Killen. Gert will do a specialty striptease in which she removes bullets from handguns strategically located on her more than muscular body. Assisting Gert will be Tuscumbia police officer Greg (Deerslayer) Scoggins who will fire his service weapon randomly into the air each time one of Gert's bullets hits the stage. Pundits are saying she's a long shot. (Make sure your insurance is paid up.)

2. A representative from the Paralegals Union will again take the stage this year. This entrant comes all way from the Montgomery attorney general's office, but probably shouldn't have wasted the gas money. Phylus Aweigh is hardly a crowd favorite after telling the judges that Steve Marshall will indict anyone who doesn't vote for her.

3. Representing the UNA Football Players Union and the only male entrant is fourth year freshman Chet McGirk. We advise not placing any bets on Chester to win since he's rumored to have an infected hangnail that may keep him sidelined from everything including classes this fall.

4. The Colbert Animal Shelter is also fielding an entrant this year. Prissy and her Prized Poodles will perform a real crowd pleaser for the public. As Prissy sings Memories from Cats, her trained poodles will walk among the audience requesting donations for the shelter that the county commission refuses to fund. Rumor has it there may even be a surprise appearance from Prince who will bite any commissioners ill advised enough to be in attendance.

5. The last entrant is iffy, but we have to hand it to her for even trying. Sofia Takachanski from the Brown's Ferry Workers Union is scheduled to leave her hospice bed to perform at dusk when her neon skin coloring lights up to its best advantage. Expect Sofia (pictured below) to get the sympathy vote.

There you have another exciting lineup that you just don't get to see in other areas...or want to.

Sofia: Showing Kermit That He's Not The Only One Who's Green!