How Trashy Can Sheffield Get?

 

Travel with us now to a galaxy far away, to a mythical town called Shurfill. Now, let's be flies on the wall as we listen to a very private conversation...

Steve Stanley: Hi, John. I hate to bother you, but with the lawsuit and all, well, I was just wondering...this being already the second quarter of 2023...is there any update on when Inspiration Landing construction will begin?

John Elkington: Of course, Steve. We plan to begin the day after all the city's street-side trash is picked up.

Stanley: Oh...so you mean...

Elkington: That's right, Steve. We don't want to just bluntly say we'll never begin. Doesn't saying the day after your street department finally does its job sound so much better?

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According to our urban explorer J. Redmon, the two piles of refuse pictured above have adorned the curb of Atlanta Avenue for over four weeks now. We're thinking the trash may actually have squatter's rights by now.

The plan may be to pick up all the trash the same week it's announced that Inspiration Landing is a no-go. As Mayor Stanley would say: You citizens can't have everything. We picked up the trash for you; what else do you want?

Check Out Sheffield's Crown Jewel: Cherokee Pike

 

Acting on a tip from readers, our faithful photojournalist J. Redmon has dared to venture down Cherokee Pike off West Montgomery Avenue in Sheffield. Due to his stunt driving skills, J. managed to avoid being consumed by numerous piles of trash displayed along the roadway.

Here are the two worst examples of Sheffield refuse:

Residents of this area say it's been over a month since any city truck has darkened the pavement on this street. With the money the city has wasted on Inspiration Landing, it could have purchased its own out of the way property to use for a dump/landfill...

Here's a Job No One Should Want

Street Dept. Supervisor Bump

The City of Sheffield has now advertised for a “secretary” for the Department of Streets & Sanitation. Former employee Tammy Holden was termed by Mayor Ian Sanford an “administrative assistant.” Is there a difference? There certainly is; we’ve known some executives to have both a secretary and an administrative assistant. We’ve been told that the much maligned president of a local manufacturing concern once had an administrative assistant who had her own secretary.

We’re postulating in this case that the designation of secretary may be more fitting for the position. It also may rate a much lower salary. Anyone foolish enough to want this job has until Friday to apply.

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On a lighter note, or maybe not, while reading the Sheffield advert we noticed there was an “empty” cemetery lot for sale in Athens. Thank God it’s empty…

We’re reminded of once reading a notice of a free kitten to a “good Christian home.” What? They wouldn’t adopt to a nice Jewish family?



Shoalanda