The Florence Entertainment District: Lost in Translation (and Zombieland)

The Florence Entertainment District is now a reality, or soon will be. Where is it? No one seems to know. The usually geographically impaired Robert Palmer of the TimesDaily has given us this description:

We get Pine Street to the west and Tuscaloosa Street to the north, but "intersection of Tennessee and College Streets?" Oh, right, Palmer has lived here only 30 years or so and can't read a map, so we can't blame him for his muddled thinking concerning Florence geography. It's not like it's his paid job or anything.

If the map isn't indicative enough, Tennessee and College run parallel. In other words, the streets never intersect. We have an idea that the original southern boundary was to have been Tennessee, but was extended to College to accommodate the poetically named Gunrunner Hotel.  

The eastern boundary? Is it Seminary? Is it Wood? Is it Walnut? (Wouldn't want Florence library patrons leaving by the back door to be left out now would we?) 

Are we the only ones to think this is going to be a huge hot mess modeled after John Elkington's Beale Street? (You know...John Elkington of Inspiration Landing fame.) No, wait. We're apparently not the only ones; the Anonymous Deacon now has a few words for the City of Florence.

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FEAR THE WALKING BRAIN DEAD!!!

This week the City of Florence did us a favor by announcing that beginning March 16th portions of the downtown area will be designated as an entertainment district. In order to appease the thousands of entertainment starved citizens (voters), the Council agreed to allow anyone of age that so desires to walk freely up and down city streets holding open containers of alcohol for one weekend a month. I want to say thank you to the City Council; not for allowing me the ability to someday drink a beer as I cross the street from Ricatoni’s on my way to On The Rocks, but instead for giving my family and me fair warning. Now in my calendar next to REC LEAGUE BASKETBALL @ 8:00pm, I can scribble AVOID BEING HIT BY A DRUNK IN DOWNTOWN FLORENCE ON 3/16. It’s good to plan out your week and this is an important date to remember. 

Of course as a recent friend of mine can testify to; you can be hit by a drunk driver at anytime. A sad fact he learned up close and personal at 4:00 on a Thursday afternoon several weeks ago. As for the date of March 16; it may seem random, but unless you’re one of those who eagerly wait with biting anticipation for that one day a year to pull out your “KISS ME I’M IRISH!!!” T-shirt. it should come as a bit of a surprise that Saint Patrick’s Day is also that weekend.

I love how the Times Daily quotes Chief Tyler as saying that if things start going bad then the event can be “stopped immediately.” That’s politician speak for “If we start losing money we will flip-flop and claim the city streets need to be more family friendly.” During my time at UNA, I remember hearing the Council being concerned about how this massive resource of bored college kids were taking their free time and dollars of town because of a lack of places to hang out locally. Now some 20 odd years later I realize that while we claimed to be bored, we never ceased to find a way to get trashed whenever we felt like it. Not that I’m saying a good time can’t be had without alcohol, but honestly though sometimes I wonder if I’m the only one that realizes that.

Look, the city is exploring options to keep people coming downtown and spending dollars. I’m fine with that, but let’s drop the labels and call this what it is: The Council openly saying that they are okay with stepping aside and watching crime and traffic fatalities increase as long as tax revenue also rises sharply. If that’s not entertainment then what is?!?

The Anonymous Deacon

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St. Patrick's Day? Faith and begorrah! No one would believe a drunken Irishman, now would they?