Clap for the Wolfman!

Since it’s October…

A Lexington reader sent us the idea for this. Don’t shoot the messenger.

Coming up: A return to Muscle Shoals…

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Bailey

Muscle Shoals Police Officer Exam

The new examination given to prospective Muscle Shoals Police officers:

1. The Muscle Shoals Police Department is located:

a. On Avalon Avenue
b. At the Donut Shop
c. At Gnat Pond


2. If you become hungry during a shift, the best thing to do is:

a. Keep peanut butter crackers handy in your patrol car
b. Rush to your favorite booth in the nearest diner
c. Shoot a deer on the TVA reservation


3. You can easily shoot without hitting:

a. Innocent bystanders
b. Your foot
c. The door to your patrol car


4. If you’re spat on by a prisoner in handcuffs, you should:

a. Attempt to reason with him while protecting yourself
b. Spit back
c. Use your pepper spray, taser, and a chokehold while calling the city’s attorney


5. If called to a disturbance at the waste water facility, you should:

a. Notify the EMA
b. Call for backup
c. Make sure you don’t damage any city employees’ property


6. If called to a disturbance at Cypress Lakes, you should:

a. Not answer the call and hope the city makes a profit on the insurance claim
b. Take along your golf clubs so that you don’t waste a trip
c. Check for injured turtles


7. When dealing with the public, you should:

a. Always be courteous
b. Get their phone numbers if they’re young and hot
c. Check to see if they’re related to the mayor before giving them a ticket


8. If you pull over an African-American driver, you should:

a. Treat him as you would any other driver
b. Give him a ticket on general principal
c. Draw your gun since blacks don’t belong in Muscle Shoals


9. If called to a death investigation, you should also call:

a. Your brother-in-law who works at a funeral home
b. The newspapers to be sure your name gets in print
c. The coroner if you happen to think about it


10. If you should be wrongly accused of a crime while on duty, you should call:

a. A bail bondsman
b. Your union rep since everyone in city hall is afraid of him
c. Billy Underwood

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We recently mentioned more coverage of animal abuse. We certainly plan to follow through, but we see little need for duplication. There has already been a great deal of coverage on PNS concerning this, uh, person. Yes, we're being charitable calling him a person. Here's the link:

Green Davidson IV

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Shoalanda

Agee & Scott: Long-Term Guests of the State

Richard Edward Agee Jr., of Tuscumbia, was arrested in 2010 for shaking a two year old child that belonged to his then girlfriend, a young woman who obviously makes the UNA terrorist look like Einstein. Perhaps she falls into the category of having a man at any price?

If you missed it, Agee has just been convicted of First Degree Rape in Franklin County. When publishing an article about the conviction, another local site mentioned his previous conviction for Aggravated Child Abuse.

Guess what? The current girlfriend is upset that anyone would be so unfair. Let’s see…she’s dating a man who abused a two-year old physically and three years later raped a woman. Yes, we can see how mentioning anything about these crimes is so unfair.

Note to this girlfriend: Get a cat. When Agee finally gets out of prison, you may have matured enough to realize there are much worse things in life than being sans a boyfriend.

Now, from baby shaker to baby snatcher. We’ve had another person contact us regarding Andrew Daniel Scott. We recently blogged on Scott and listed his release date as December of this year. The reader corrected us and stated his end of sentence date is December 2016.

This reader, another victim of Scott, has asked us more questions than we can answer by looking at only his Department of Corrections online info. We will attempt to get some answers for Scott’s victims, but we doubt that Hottie Scottie has been in any real trouble since his incarceration as he apparently has had no correctional incentive time revoked. Maybe he had his head shaved to look a little less hot in prison?

To be continued…

Note to anyone: If anyone feels sympathy for either Agee or Scott, simply stop to think about the children and other victims involved in their ongoing sagas. If you don’t feel more sympathy for these innocents, there’s something wrong with you. Period.



Shoalanda

Bubba on Quittney LaShae Nichols

REPUBLIHED BY POPULAR REQUEST

ORIGINAL PUBLICATION DATE 8/27/12

Once again, Miss Shoalanda thought I was the only one who could do justice to Quittney LaShae Nichols' tale of woe. I'll do my best, but I'm bettin' there's a lot to the story that nobody knows. First I'm postin' the three most recent mug shots of lil Quittney. The photographer at the Florence Detention Center can sure take some great shots. I wish we had used him for lil Rebbie Sue's wedding. I bet Rebbie would also like to know the brand of eyeliner Quittney uses--all those drugs and alcohol and police interrogations and it still holds up. Must be Maybelline.

Well, it seems last Friday lil Quittney was in a car and wouldn't get out so the owner could sell it. Guess some women are just more stubborn than others. So bein' the determined gal she is, she pinned the car's buyer to his mother's Impala with the Volvo and then dragged him out into the street. I think there may be a job for that girl in one of these travelin' demolition derbies--once she gets out, of course. Seems she's on the most wanted list in Marion County too.

Lil Quittney didn't live too far from the scene of the accident, as we'll call it, but the police haven't been able to find her. I think they checked everywhere from Jack's Chicken Shack to Goat Alley and she was nowhere to be found. Now I guess it's just a matter of time until one of her friends turns her in.

I've been asked if I know where the name Quittney comes from. To be honest I don't, but I have got my ideas. I remember my cousin Lonzo and his wife had ten kids. That didn't stop ol' Lon from getting frisky, so one night his wife told him to quit or he'd get her knee. I'm guessing lil Quittney may be the youngest in her family.

That's it for now, but if you live near Dog Ear, be sure to drop by to see me for all your automotive and septic tank needs.

Bubba Leroy Smuckpucker II

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The most recent reports on Quittney Nichols' victim Randall Powers list him in serious condition in Huntsville Hospital. Everyone here wishes Mr. Powers a speedy recovery.



Shoalanda

A Word About UNA's Terrorist Threat

While we think the odds of any UNA student caring enough about Che’ Guevara to even imply the possibility of some type of terrorist attack on the anniversary of his death are about 10,000:1, why did someone leave such a threat? We now understand that it’s midterms…ah, we see the light.

Unfortunately, if the person wrote the note to delay his exams, to get sympathy from a girlfriend, or in an act of worship to Cthuhu, it doesn’t matter. He might as well be honoring good ol’ Che‘, since the punishment, whatever it is, will be the same.

Many years ago, a junior high school student in Florence, who was also the son of a faculty member, called in a bomb threat to his school. We knew this family, and it devastated them.

Remember, the student was probably between 12 and 14. That’s hardly an excuse, but what if he had been college age? How can a college student be that dumb? Actually, considering some we’ve met recently, perhaps we’re lacking ourselves to even ask that question.

Will Chief Pastula track him down? It’s certainly possible. He will then be expelled, then arrested, then the fun begins: name in paper, fees to a lawyer, threats of murder and dismemberment from his parents.

When the dust finally settles, he won’t find too many other institutions inviting him into their ivy covered halls. Get a job? Not if the employers know how to Google.

*****

A reliable source has contacted us regarding David Bradford’s endorsement of Phil Andrews for Colbert County Sheriff. When questioned directly by our source, Bradford stated he did indeed endorse Andrews for two reasons: Andrews is both a former Muscle Shoals police officer and a Republican.

While we admit to strong Republican leanings (sorry, Billy), we’re not sure that admitting to being a former Muscle Shoals police officer is a good thing.

*****

Remember, no matter how funny your comments may be, they can't be libelous. We did enjoy reading it though.




Shoalanda

Elections & Passages

During each election season, we get "documented" evidence that certain candidates are either the Anti-Christ, the reincarnation of Adolph Hitler, or the current incarnation of Leo Burt. Sadly, some prove to be true, but are they relevant to whom the person is today?

We've mentioned before that we once received copies of court cases involving a local candidate...and not the one we were supporting. We simply felt it was a long time ago and didn't "involve" the person as he is today.

We've again been sent info on a local candidate. We do plan to check it out thoroughly since it involves some serious charges. If it's true? We can't answer that with 100% conviction, but we sincerely doubt we will publish it. What about current charges? Yes. We will publish anything current.

And we still have over a month to go...

*****

Many people never think about life's events. It's all black and white to them. Let's talk about the men who beat and kill their girlfriend's children. It's sickening, but...

Certainly these cretins should be punished, but what about the mothers? Oh, they didn't know. Sure. Let's rethink this, shall we? These stories usually sound like an episode of Family Guy. Who knew the homeless guy who wore only a rain coat was an exhibitionist? If you leave your child with such a man, you should also be charged...and written about in the press.

Back to local elections, what if a candidate had once been charged with animal cruelty? That's hypothetical at the moment, but it does lead to other conclusions for those of us here. There are always umpteen animal cruelty cases in the news at any time. We often overlook them. No more.

If you desert your child or if you abuse an animal, just remember the words to that Junior Brown song: You can bet your boots we're coming after you.



Shoalanda

Who Endorses Phil Andrews?/Comments

Click to Enlarge

Above is a screen shot from a political site supporting Phil Andrews for Colbert County Sheriff. The problem seems to be that one of the mayors listed may not have endorsed Mr. Andrews. We've been told that this particular mayor doesn't read our blog. Oh, the shame and sadness!

Not to worry. We also hear that others are investigating these endorsements. We're political bloggers here and even we hate election season.

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Comments? As you know we take them. We do ask for some kind of name just to clarify who is saying what. Recently when several of us were away, a comment was posted with a mild "dirty word." Our team member decided to post the comment, but to remark on the language.

Now it seems the original poster is only 13. We encourage early political awareness by the public, but we do not encourage teenagers that young using their real names here or anywhere else. We may not be William Buckley, but we do have some readers who come back with hard hitting comments of their own. It takes a thick skin. Most 13 year-olds don't have that.

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Shoalanda