"Yolanda" Will Come Here to Marry Couples?

We read with interest the list of those ordained to marry in Alabama who will perform same-sex ceremonies in Colbert and Lauderdale Counties...

Let us digress here that one reader called us a choice name for even mentioning it. Needless to say she is now banned. Our publishing a list of those who will offer these rites is not an endorsement of such.

Back to Yolanda, it seems that "Yolanda" actually lives in New York. This is a link to his page:

"Rev. Yolanda"

We doubt he, or should we say she, will travel to Alabama to wed anyone without quite a large fee.

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Who can perform marriage ceremonies in Alabama? From the Alabama Code:

Code of Alabama at 30-1-7

Persons authorized to solemnize marriages.

(a) Generally. Marriages may be solemnized by any licensed minister of the gospel in regular communion with the Christian church or society of which the minister is a member; by an active or retired judge of the Supreme Court, Court of Criminal Appeals, Court of Civil Appeals, any circuit court, or any district court within this state; by a judge of any federal court; or by an active or retired judge of probate.

Notice the Code says "may." It does not say it is required of him.

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And just because we know someone will ask, no, Yolanda is not Shoalanda's sister.



Shoalanda

Shoals Scholar Dollars & UNA

It seems that both the Lauderdale and Colbert County Commissions have turned down a request from Shoals Scholar Dollars for a monetary donation. Both bodies have stated they will reconsider the request at the time of their next yearly budget meeting.

If you aren't familiar with the Scholar Dollars program, it provides free tuition to any Alabama community/junior college for any local student maintaining a certain GPA in high school and during their time in community college. Who is taking advantage of this program and what will it mean to the University of North Alabama?

First, we're going to divide high school seniors into two categories:

1) "If I can get the first two years of my college tuition completely free, I would be an idiot not to avail myself of the opportunity."

2) "Community college? No way; Mummy and Daddy are paying for me to have an upper crust college experience at (Alabama/Auburn/Harvard/Agnes Scott)."

Observant readers may have noted that we didn't include UNA in that last option. We have little doubt that those students who fall into category two are not considering attending our local university. UNA has faced monetary woes for many years. It has always been one of the state's poor stepchildren when it comes to funding. No, Shoals Scholar Dollars will not be assisting freshman enrollment at UNA.

The university has in the past decade turned to China and other countries for much of its student base. Is there a saturation point? We're sure there's one somewhere, but at what enrollment level, we don't know. The university's golden cash cow Zing Zang Zung seems to be missing in action. We're reminded of Andy Warhol who would collect precious gems only to toss them onto the canopy of his bed and promptly forget they were there.

While we have no doubt UNA has no desire to even remotely consider this option, Athens State University decided several years ago to cater to only juniors and seniors. It simply found it almost impossible to compete with the many local community colleges and made a last ditch effort to stay afloat...and it worked amazingly well.

We have no doubt that the Scholar Dollars program is a game changer. Our only question is how big of one.

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Monday is fast approaching and with it the advent of same-sex marriage. Will there be a run on local courthouses for licenses? We're guessing there will not be such a stampede locally, but there are some who have already announced they're ready to perform such ceremonies;

Who's Performing Local Ceremonies?

Shoalanda

A Shout Out to Texas Road House

A reader asked us if we would give a shout out to the Florence Texas Road House. Why? It seems that the restaurant, or its parent company, paid the entire funeral expense for Kayla Howard Glover, one of two murder victims in an unsolved Muscle Shoals shooting.

Funerals are expensive, and most restaurants would have simply made a donation, and probably a small one at that. If you're looking for a casual eatery tomorrow night, we suggest you try the Texas Road House.

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Once upon a time in Florence, a man in his early middle years worked for a large company that comprised part of a family owned empire. When the man died suddenly, his mother asked a friend to pick up a $500.00 death benefit she believed was coming to his estate. Since the person she asked to help with the estate had also at one time worked for one of these family owned businesses, he was aware of the death benefit and happily agreed to pick up the check for the older woman.

Alas, when the gentleman arrived at the business office, he was told there was no benefit. When he remarked that he had once worked for a sister company and such a death benefit had indeed been mentioned in his hire-on packet, the company representative stated, "Yes, but we've never actually had anyone to die while working here."

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The UNA football team lists 64 players for the 2014-15 school year. Of those 64, six have now been arrested since the start of the school term, or roughly 9%. That's not including some who were arrested last year and reinstated to the team.

We have to wonder what the overall percentage of student arrests is?  We'll venture a guess that it isn't nearly that high. The team's most recent arrest:

Korey Jones

Shoalanda

It's a Conspiracy!/Ugly Face?

A reader sent us this question: What are the odds of EVERY SINGLE GAS STATION in the Shoals having THE EXACT SAME prices for Regular gasoline????

Our only thought: It's a conspiracy! Seriously, we don't know, but it is an interesting question. Any reader comments?

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No matter what you may think of Judge Roy Moore, Kyle Whitmore of AL.com has christened him the "Ugly Face" that LGBTs will call to rally against. Perhaps for Moore, it's just any issue to keep him in the spotlight.

Some past actions of Judge Roy Moore:

1. He called the state's first case of mad cow disease a plot to help pass an animal identification system.
2. He told his replacement Chief Justice Gorman Houston that he was going to hell.
3. He placed a granite monument depicting the Ten Commandments inside the state judicial building...complete with the wording "c. Roy Moore." (We're pretty sure God doesn't like plagiarism.)
4. He said in 2005 that homosexuality shouldn't be tolerated in Alabama. (We're not weighing in on the right or wrong of that particular orientation. We just want to be sure Moore doesn't decide to not tolerate them with gas chambers.)

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We get, well...ridiculous mail. Yes, we recently received an e-mail that asked why the Quad-Cities Daily didn't notify the Baskins/Glover families of the Muscle Shoals Police conference concerning the double murders. 

Let's see...first, why are you asking us at Shoalanda Speaks (of course, no one can convince these particular readers that we have no integral connection). Second, we're not aware that the QCD is responsible for notifying anyone about anything. It would seem logical that the Muscle Shoals Police would have notified these two families, but perhaps their previous encounters with some family members persuaded them that their appearance at the news conference would be in no one's best interest.

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Yes, for those who asked, Rodney Ivey is a cousin to recent murder victim Gary Baskins and nephew to Jerry Lee Ivy:

Rodney Shane Ivey Arrested

 Shoalanda

Local Outlets Raise Gas Prices Early

It seems a strike may affect 10% of the nation's oil refineries and gasoline delivery for March. Yet yesterday was only the second day in February and prices are up. How much?

News articles are stating gas prices are up one cent a gallon in Los Angeles, but in the Shoals the price was up at most outlets anywhere from 12 to 17 cents. Interesting.

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From a Sheffield reader: On January 6th of this year, Sheffield Utilities Department was notified of 9 specific street lights that were out, or totally missing. 7 are located between the intersection of U.S. HWY 43 and Hatch Blvd and O'Neal Bridge, with 3 of these actually on the Sheffield side of O'Neal Bridge, itself. To date, only 2 of the 9 reported have been fixed. One would think that SOMEONE would take some initiative, or perhaps offer up some over-time hours, so SOMEONE from the utility department would see that the others get fixed.

Reminder, we are happy to post any statement from Sheffield Utilities at any time. We know that lights on O'Neal Bridge can be problematic; new fixtures are scheduled to go up when the bridge is painted this spring/summer.

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On the DreamVision front, the Texas company has announced news conferences for next week in both Ft. Worth and Muscle Shoals. The only real news immediately being put forth is that the Ft. Worth Park will be called DreamVision Mountain.

We're predicting the Muscle Shoals park will be dubbed "DreamVision Water Treatment Plant."

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The TimesDaily, an entity that officially doesn't name misdemeanor arrestees, recently announced the three UNA football players arrested for underage drinking will have their cases sealed. Hmmm, what's wrong with this picture? Have your case sealed, but be named in the TD once more. Have your case result in a conviction, and the TD won't publish your name. Ah, down the rabbit hole once more.



Shoalanda

Is Laura Fitterman on Suicide Watch?

What is a Safety-Smock? From Wiki: An anti-suicide smock, Ferguson, turtle suit, or suicide gown is a tear-resistant single-piece outer garment that is generally used to prevent a hospitalized, incarcerated, or otherwise detained individual from forming a noose with the garment to commit suicide. The smock is typically a simple, sturdily quilted, collarless, sleeveless gown with adjustable openings at the shoulders and down the front that are closed with nylon hook-and-loop or similar fasteners. The thickness of the garment makes it impossible to roll or fold the garment so it can be used as a noose. It is not a restraint and provides modesty and warmth while not impeding the mobility of the wearer.

This is the garment Laura Fitterman was wearing in her Lauderdale County Detention Center mug shot. We don't recall seeing any pics of inmates wearing these before--these could be the welcome addition of our new sheriff Rick Singleton.

 

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Yes, potential employers will check your Facebook page: Link

Maybe even your current employer will look at what you post. That is if you have an employer. You might not want one. Let's just say that if you work for Acme Widgets, you might not want to list your employment as: F*ck Acme Widgets. Just a hunch...

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We love memes, but we usually forget them rather quickly. Here's one of our favorite unforgettable two:

Shoalanda

Anonymous Alabama?

We, along with scores of others, recently received a press release from a group called "We Are Anonymous." We're not going to publish it here, but the release stated that it was the first with more to come.

Looking on FB for such a group, we did find: Anonymous Alabama

We're posting the link for any who might be so inclined.

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The flashing light on Cave Street in Tuscumbia that cautions motorists school traffic is entering or exiting? Apparently it's been out for some time. A reader has inquired; however, we're not sure whom to contact. If it's not working at all, it would indicate a wiring/contact problem. We suggest you try the Tuscumbia Utilities first and they can direct you further if needed.

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TotallyDecatur strikes again: Our local newspaper has a section for "State News." Apparently, whoever has been picking items to include in this section has also been including articles from Alaska. Our concerned reader states there is often more Alaska news found than Alabama news.

Observant editors, aren't they?

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Several readers have asked if DreamVision is connected to a former theme park outside Birmingham called Vision Land. No...two entirely different animals.

The DV press conference is slated for February 11th; at that time, more concrete plans will be announced for this proposed new theme park. How do we feel? Mehhh. Don't hold your breaths waiting for this one.

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May the Shade be with you tomorrow!

Shoalanda