Advice to the Lovelorn/Barry Lumpkins

The year is still young; let's see if we can't help all those youngsters out there keep their resolutions to find Mr./Miss Right this year...

1. Guys, if she carries a flick knife, you may wish to pass her by. (See news item on knife fight at Center Star.)

2. Girls, it may be easier to get along with a man in jail/prison who can't hit you, but once they're out, they're usually not that charming. (Please doff your hats in memory of the apprentice nail tech's perfect relationship.)

3. Guys, you may feel it in your bones that your sister married the wrong man, but please refrain from shooting him dead. It never looks good on your resume'. (Our armed robber friend is claiming innocence in the killing at the Forks of Cypress.)

4. Back to you girls, if he's beaten you up several times, you might do well to think twice about taking any free PCP from him. You never know...

5. In conclusion to both sexes, when thinking about whom to date, consider their ex-spouses. You can bet she/he was just as dumb/ugly/lowdown as they are now when your prospective squeeze married him or her. If they were that desperate, what does that say about them?

*****

Did everyone read about Dr. Lumpkins, local physician?

Barry N. Lumpkins

So the guy is walking about with alcohol, hydrocodone, and oxycodone in his system. Wait...did we say walking? We're not sure what was keeping the guy from being dead.

Losing drugs on a mission trip? Pitiful. He should have to listen to 72 hours of those kids singing at Montreat for telling a lie like that.