Demastus Guilty, but No Jail Time

Buddy (on right) - Killed by Justin Demastus

Pictured on right is Golden Retriever Buddy shot and killed by Justin Aaron Demastus. The stand-up comedian has pleaded guilty in Colbert County and will be doing community service. That's right; no jail time that we're aware of. 

What kind of man shoots a Golden Retriever? The answer is obvious - no MAN at all would commit such a heinous act.

Dog Killer Demastus

The (Dog) Killer Comedy Show?

Remember Justin Aaron Demastus, currently charged with shooting dead his Tuscumbia neighbor's Golden Retriever? Turns out he's a real funny guy...or at least thinks he is.

It seems he's doing stand-up at such upscale joints as 2nd & 13 Bar in Sheffield. Judging from his photo, he obviously sees himself as a sort of 21st Century Lewis Grizzard. How do we see him? It's hard to get past the image of this little man holding a SIG Sauer 9mm handgun and discharging it into a docile domesticated animal. 

The wheels of justice have not yet turned for Demastus. We'll update readers when his legal problems are settled. 

Justin Aaron: Totally Not Funny

Murder a Golden Retriever, Go to Jail

"Linda" last saw her cherished golden retriever safely shut in her back yard on Spout Springs Road in Tuscumbia. At least that's the last time she saw him alive. After hearing gun shots and wails, Linda found her family member dead, shot by a SIG Sauer 9 mm handgun. Arrests records indicate the 5'6" shooter weighs a whopping 165 pounds, so we'll theorize his super macho handgun provides him with a greater sense of manhood.

Canine Killer Demastus

After taking a police report, Colbert County investigators arrested the diminutive Justin Aaron Demastus. The 31 year-old neighbor has claimed Linda's docile retriever entered his property and growled at him. Law enforcement doubted his story, and took Demastus into custody on October 21st, charging him with Felony Cruelty to Animals. 

Demastus is married and has a young son. Apples, monkeys, sons; animal cruelty is a vicious way of life among some families. Let's put a stop to it now.