Dolphin Pooh & Her Four Lovers

The title of today's post may be slightly misleading, so if you are two of Dolphin's lovers who aren't currently incarcerated, we're not going to name names. Rest assured if we have your names, so does the Lauderdale County District Attorney's office--just in case you've been receiving or producing any child porn.

Our more sedate readers are obviously asking who is Dolphin Pooh. It seems DP is the screen name/e-mail moniker of Patricia Edmon Ayers, currently held on almost insurmountable bond in the Florence-Lauderdale Detention Center for producing pornographic images of her then seven year-old daughter.

In July 2011, Ayers sent several photographs of herself  in various stages of undress, some posed in a manner we assume she thought was sexually appealing, to four men. One of the men was her future husband, Matthew Ayers. Matthew's screen name is Mystik Dragon Slayer--just the perfect touch to add to a resume' seeking professional employment in a highly competitive world.

Obviously several things are odd about these e-mails. We have to wonder why the now Mrs. Ayers would have sent them as a group. If we can see the missives were sent to four different men, the recipients could also. Was she pitting one against the other, or did she just not realize the men would see that at least three others were also the benefactors of her photographic favors?

The second question that readily comes to mind? Did Patricia Edmon Ayers really think she was Playboy material? Always keep your kit on is something most mothers teach their daughters at an early age. Just how desperate was Patricia for a little male attention? Desperate enough to offer her own daughter as an enticement?

While the above revelations are shocking enough, it's the name of her second lover that boggles the mind. Readers will just have to wait until Monday for that revelation and some (censored) pics of Patricia in the nude. We don't think the subject is at all appropriate for the Lord's Day.

Tomorrow: The Man Who Will Replace Ronnie Willis



Shoalanda

They're Here/Turtle Killer Dweebs

They're here. No, not body snatchers, but soul snatchers--pornographers. We don't like to think about such people living in our town, in the Shoals, but they do.

Let's look at Patricia Ayers. She states on her Facebook page that she has three children. It's a good bet that only one of them is a girl. Or, it could be something even worse, if possible. She also relates her eight year-old daughter had a "speech delay." This may mean there were other problems. The child was easy to manipulate and may have been more prone to irritate her step-father.

Yes, it's a sad fact that Patricia Ayers may have preferred her husband David to her child. We've seen that before with Shaun Shapley and his wife, a wife who even stood by the man who killed her daughter. Patricia doesn't seem to be that fast on the uptake, looking on witchcraft sites for spells to help her lose weight.

Ayers Home at Johnson Cross Roads

Now the state has all her children, and the little girl is emotionally scarred. Many would say put Patricia Ayers in prison for life and toss away the key. In today's Alabama judicial system, that's almost impossible. We say give Patricia a lobotomy and find her a job scrubbing floors. If we don't, she'll just find another sick man that she loves more than her children.

*****

Long rumored to exist in the Shoals area, it's now been confirmed that the Turtle Killer Dweebs (TKD) is no mythical organization. While little is known of this secret society, it's believed the TKD train police officers who have aspirations for higher rank.

The TKD is purported to have formed symbiotic relationships with local body shops, drug dealers, and Chinese restaurants. It's motto is "To Leave no Turtle Shell Unturned or Unshot."

While the hierarchy of the TKD is still somewhat nebulous, defectors from this mystic group claim two of its highest ranking officials have now infiltrated Muscle Shoals city government. It's also been suggested that the City of Florence has offered asylum to those who wish to leave behind the violent nature of the TKD and has provided safe houses for the dissidents.

We can't promise that we'll bring our readers updates on the society's latest machinations since those who have previously reported on the TKD are rumored to lie at the bottom of Gnat Pond; however, the publishers of the Franklin series have offered us a book contract...



Shoalanda