Oh, Snix! She Called the Brass Monkey a "Dive Bar"

 

Two years ago, there was an unfortunate shooting at a Florence Plaza night spot called the Brass Monkey. One Florence Police officer provided information to a local news source in which he called the establishment a biker club. It was certainly on after that.

Fans of the club mobbed the news site to protest the appellation of biker. Many gave their own description of their favorite hang out with some calling it nothing less than paradise on earth. Sadly, we now hear that the business went belly up some weeks ago.

The humorous thing is that a UNA writer has done a short article on a new establishment coming soon to that location. The writer called the Brass Monkey a "dive bar." 

We don't know if this young lady has been attacked over her term or not. For those of us who've never seen fit to check out the bar personally, alas, now it's too late. We can rejoice that the shooting and angry aftermath gave Shoals cyperspace a new word. No longer is "poop" the only Shoalanda approved euphemism for feces; we can now all call it "snix!"

Apparently there's no new name yet for the club/cinema. We'll keep you posted.

If You Value Your Life, Stay Out of Those Places!

The rain hadn't stopped in two days, and the college football coach decided to show first aid films rather than have his team scrimmage. When he noticed his star fullback wasn't paying attention, he asked:

"Biff, would you know what to do if you got your nose broken in two places?"

"Sure, Coach. I'd stay out of those two places."

Those with a vested financial interest in a certain business may say what they wish about the club incident of last Saturday night. We've seen the photos and the wounded employee certainly appears to have a gunshot wound. We've also talked to a police source who says the victim was definitely shot.

The absolute miracle of the whole thing is that no lives were lost. Our best to the young man for a rapid recovery.

Certainly there have always been shootings at clubs and even shopping venues. Better news gathering aside, we're still sure the number of these shootings increases each year.

One or two critics feel the whole shooting should be swept under the rug. Regular readers know our stance on that. Just how does not talking about something make it go away? If you can explain that to us, we'll never mention a violent act again. 

The truth is just the opposite. The more who realize the danger of any situation, the more who will avoid it.

Skankie's Buys Drunken Brass Monkey

In what the Wall Street Journal is calling a brilliant financial coup, the uber popular Sheffield watering hole Skankie's has purchased the Drunken Brass Monkey in Florence. According to insiders, Skankie's practically stole the club in what real estate moguls call a shooting sale. This is apparently like a fire sale, but in which the property is riddled with bullets rather than torched.

Said general manager Blake Aycock, "We absolutely jumped on the deal. Our main concern was whether to call the new dive "The Drunken Brass Skanky" or "Skankies North." We went with Skankies North so as not to dilute our established months old brand." Will there be any changes to the format? "You betcha! The new cover policy is bikers free, gays only $1.00, and hookers a crisp C note, or maybe trade - call me. Second, we're pretty sure we can do better than DJ Snix out of Marion County. We're going whole hog to get DJ Sux from Frog Pond in Franklin."

There you have it, folks. Be sure to keep up with the continued adventures of Skankie's in the Shoals News Source.

Note: The blog Shoalanda Speaks does not own the fictional characters of Skankie's or Blake Aycock, nor does anyone who works here write for the Shoals News Source.