Roy Moore Sues Shoals Native Adam Muhlendorf

Yes, Roy is at it again. His latest lawsuit names four individuals involved in pro Doug Jones campaign ads, including Adam Muhlendorf of Longleaf Strategies. Those being sued are calling the suits frivolous. We can hardly wait to hear what a real judge says to Roy...

Adam Muhlendorf

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One of the basic premises in Roy's suit concerns ads mentioning his being banned from the Gadsden Mall. According to more than one, while not banned from the mall itself, he was banned from several stores that primarily catered to teens/young adults.

Roy specifically mentions he was never banned from Morrison's Cafeteria. Of course not. The Etowah ADA had no interest in 75 year old cafeteria ladies, now did he?

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During Roy's recent press conference, his attorney Melissa Isaak again played a prominent role. We understand that she has her admirers/supporters; however, we sincerely wish to offer some advice:

The Laws of Lipstick

Cleaning House? None (Are you crazy? Who wears lipstick to clean the toilet bowl?)

9 to 5 Job? Light color (Don't give the male element anything to criticize or reason to suggest more than friendship. You're professional, so act like it.)

Shopping? Deeper color (Girls just wanna have fun, and it's okay to entice in a broadly thrown net. Uh, well, maybe not at the Gadsden Mall.)

Hot Date? Katie bar the door (You're gonna get that magenta all over him.)

There you have it - the 2018 version of Unto You, Young Women.