Thank You, Shoals Labor!

Shoalanda

Labor Day Beauty Contest 2015

Yes, it's that time of year again. Local union halls are dusting off their more lovely card-holding members and getting them ready for this annual event. This year may prove to be special since the rules have been modified to require entrants to assemble their own costumes from work-related items. Let's take a look at this year's field:

1. Pittipat Pettigrew—Representing the Sanitation Workers of North Alabama, Pittipat will wear a creation composed entirely of used cocktail napkins rescued from the dumpster behind On the Rocks.
Officials are fervently praying it won't rain.

2. Leola Sandusky—Leola will represent the Recycling Union while wearing a chainmail costume manufactured from aluminum can tabs. As of Sunday, Leola wasn't a definite entry since she had come up short of tabs and was forced to consume several cases of beer in order to complete her costume.

3. Cassie Carnegie—Representing the Tourism Union, Cassie's outfit will be composed entirely of road maps discarded due to their Confederate battle flag artwork. Cassie is a dark horse since she's
not able to prove U.S. citizenship. The Tourism Union is threatening to move its offices to Canada if officials disqualify Carnegie.

4. Amelia Cornbloom—Representing the Cemetery Workers' Union, Amelia states she has manufactured her contest attire from ribbons discarded with floral debris. Showing spunk, Amelia will also carry a sharp shovel to aid in disposing of the much dreaded political rhetoric usually present at these events.

5. Cilla Frumpmeyer—Representing the Animal Shelter Workers of Northwest Alabama, Cilla has knitted her own bathing suit from shed fur. After completing her creation, Cilla found that she had enough left to crochet dunce hats for Florence City Council members.

We eagerly await this end-of-summer bash...also known as the start of the political season. Let us pray.



Shoalanda

Return to WAG Central

If you're not a sports fan, you may not know that the acronym WAG refers to “Wives & Girlfriends.” This being Alabama we're not too much into WAGs with the exception of those who may date/marry select college quarterbacks. That's okay—we make up for it with all the news WAGs of politicians generate.

From a reader: Whats the big deal, while mayor, Jordan circumvented state bid laws letting contracts to Libbylewinsky's employer, Tomlinson/Sims in an effort to woo her, nobody raised an eyebrow. When she got her current job nobody raised an eyebrow, even though she has no formal education in art history, public history, business, or education. By the way, these are the preferred credentials of her support staff per the city's job description. So why don't we clean up our on mess before worrying about Bentley's.

We can truthfully answer our reader that our feeble brain wobbles in an attempt to understand this. Libby Watts Jordan beats out 29 other applicants for the Rosenbaum Home position, with Todd Nix calling her far and away the best candidate, but the tourism board has to go all the way to Canada to find a new director?

Our best answer to our reader is that the public does have a limit on just how much it will take. Remember the local sitting circuit court judge who gave his girlfriend a plum job for which she wasn't qualified? Did he get re-elected? Uh, no!

We'll inject our worst peeve here: For all the money the city is paying Dick Jordan's brother-in-law to “co-ordinate” its capital projects, why can't the public get an update? Just one? We'll even take quarterly, if monthly is too much of a strain on Steve Eason.

Our reader also questions why we care about Bentley when Jordan is behaving so badly (at least in the eyes of many)? We certainly have an easy answer to that one.

Like the recent elections for sheriff in Lauderdale and Colbert Counties, only one of these men has been touting his ethical and moral behavior toward his family, and that's Robert Bentley, not Dick Jordan. The public is apparently helping to pay a salary to a woman with her own agenda...whatever that may be. We strongly suspect her agenda changes with the highest bidder.

Let's hope the situation in Montgomery is resolved quickly.



Shoalanda

Our Tax Dollars Supported Affair?

There's an old saying that you can't legislate morality. True, but you can legislate moral behavior. Yet morals and ethics are somewhat different.

No matter what you think of the Governor of Alabama having an affair/committing adultery/getting a little on the side, the salient point in this whole debacle is that he apparently used our tax dollars
to facilitate his affair. This in a state where money is either so scarce or so misused that a tax on soft drinks was actually recently proposed.

Pundits in Montgomery are saying Robert Bentley will soon resign. Will he? If he does, it may not just be about the misuse of tax dollars, but because his young squeeze was being paid by those who sought his ear. That's why ethics courses discuss “pillow talk” and how to avoid that pitfall.

If Bentley is guilty of what he's being accused, then he needs to resign pronto. Kay Ivey may not want to be the next governor of Alabama, but we have every confidence she can run the affairs of state as well as our current Republican leader.

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A faithful reader recently referred to Bentley as “Skeletor.” It's been some time since we've seen an episode of He-Man, but we remember him as being better looking...

Shoalanda

Nepotism Policy

Muscle Shoals councilman Joe Pampinto has stated he's hoping for more bids on land adjacent to the less than profitable Cypress Lakes Golf & Country Club. We believe he meant to say “any bids” since the city's first attempt to auction the lots produced no one interested in the parcels.

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The position of Arts & Museums Director for Florence has now been publicly posted. We await...

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Any one out there heard the changes to the nepotism policy at Muscle Shoals schools? The City of Florence may need to copy some of its legalese.



Shoalanda

New Cabinets? Yes! New Parking? No!

Parking? No!

We all know how much kitchen cabinet technology has advanced in the past 30 years, so we can understand the University of North Alabama purchasing an entirely new set-up for their new prexy. After all, it's not like the college has any other pressing needs.

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After we made the comment about dorm students abusing the College View Church of Christ parking lot, we received many, many e-mails about the parking situation at UNA. Some of our readers encouraged us to drive by mid-afternoon, then circle down Cumberland and back up to Pine. Wow!

Vehicles lined both sides of the road. Some driveways were partially blocked. There were “For Sale” signs...

This is where we have a question. Just how would a realtor show one of these lovely homes (and they are very attractive) when there's no place for him/her or the clients to park?

From the TD:

Friday, 12 days before the first class meets, 6,204 students had registered for fall courses. At the same point last year, 5,541 students had signed up for classes at UNA. That number includes new students who registered during summer orientation and students coming back to UNA for a second, third or fourth year.

The university has long known there is insufficient parking on campus. It's previously purchased houses, torn them down, and built new lots. This again needs to be done ASAP!

In the mean time, we encourage these homeowners to call police ANY time someone blocks their drive. They also need to form some sort of committee to bring this to the public's attention. Make waves homeowners. You're in the right; UNA is being a bad neighbor.



Shoalanda

Barbara Broach is Retiring; Who Will Replace Her?

Long-time Director of Arts & Museums for the City of Florence Barbara Broach is retiring. We understand the position has been posted internally, but not publicly. Imagine that.

Perhaps the city can come up with an extra 30K to retain some headhunters? We're sure many in Canada will be interested in the job. We're also sure that after hiring a Canadian for the post of tourism director, the powers that be in Florence feel that hiring an inside person is now required to balance the bad press.

Really? We think the replacement for Ms. Broach might just create more bad publicity than any foreign hire.

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Who knew the old Fairground Road was in a minority neighborhood? We certainly learn something every day. It's a horse pasture, for cryin' out loud. The animal shelter can't be more odoriferous than that. We have no idea how this will play out, but perhaps the City of Florence better hurry up and re-purchase the old country club property.

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Speaking of UNA, we have just become aware of an enormous problem at that institution. It might not be monumental to everyone, but we've certainly heard from enough of the university's neighbors to check it out.

Tune in tomorrow...


Shoalanda